The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
No woman in the history of film has ever been as horny as Sarah Sanderson in Hocus Pocus
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) October 11, 2020
spelling bee judge: your word is "steve"
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) October 14, 2020
starbucks barista: oh no
i laugh at my own jokes bc i am my target audience. y’all just happen to be there fr
— እምነተ (@emnetee) October 12, 2020
My favorite genre of movie is “someone coughs blood into a napkin and then doesn’t tell anyone “
— raina (@quakerraina) October 14, 2020
Another week?? Right after we JUST had one?? Okay... not sold on all that but I’ll give it a shot I guess
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) October 12, 2020
Dolly Parton has been married for 54 years and I have never seen her husband not one time 😂 goals?
— Fawn Moscato (@tinnkky) October 9, 2020
then explain this quote https://t.co/cM1bLQJOL0 pic.twitter.com/lDdbX82lbC
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) October 14, 2020
interview with the vampire would be much more compelling if the vampire was actually just interviewing for a job at old navy
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) October 10, 2020
At my age, I can send a text at 10:35 and be asleep at 10:35:10. 😂🤦🏽♂️
— 🍑❤️ (@uhpromise) October 11, 2020
Every girls fantasy pic.twitter.com/Cc2dna8OEt
— Flora underscore underscore Flora 🦄🦋 (@Flora__Flora) October 14, 2020
my therapist: you’re a good person
— Ely Kreimendahling (@ElyKreimendahl) October 13, 2020
me: oh no I’ve tricked you too
I’m my own worst critic but I’m also everybody else’s worst critic, basically a huge bitch
— Audrey Kaufman (@KaufmanAudrey) October 11, 2020
when a dolphin swims toward you? that’s e e coming
— grace spelman (@GraceSpelman) October 11, 2020
whoever put the s in lisp is wrong for that
— bea (@lavafairys) October 15, 2020
you may think you lead a fun or exciting life but today i put oat milk in my oatmeal so top that.
— king crissle (@crissles) October 11, 2020
i don’t get why my bridesmaids are pissed at me! i just asked that they pay $300 for a dress, buy a plane ticket, quarantine for 2 weeks at a hotel, get tested, risk their life at my 300 person wedding, and give a long speech about our inside jokes
— Lily Sullivan (@LilyYily) October 11, 2020
someone liked a ton of my tweets at once and their account has 0 followers and was JUST made, and I thought, “this must be a bot.” then I looked closer. it’s my dad.
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 15, 2020
Emily gets kissed so much in Paris and is bad at everything... should I move to Paris?
— nicole byer (@nicolebyer) October 12, 2020
my favorite character trope is a traumatized person who buries themselves in their very specific job (bookstore owner, gardener, chef) and says shit like “that’s why i like (books, plants, onions)—they’ll never leave...”
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) October 12, 2020
*leaves my phone at home*
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 14, 2020
Is this camping? Am I camping?
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