The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or fewer.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
Need a break from looking at your phone too much? I can’t recommend your laptop enough
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) October 26, 2020
me: i brought charcuterie
— Lænį Røšę☠️ (@parilani) October 27, 2020
party host: is this a lunchable
When I feel like my husband seems to relaxed, I’ll just start a sentence with “y’know, I’ve been thinking...”
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 27, 2020
i’m getting hotter as i’m getting older and that is because i always return the shopping cart to its proper home
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) October 26, 2020
growing up conservative is wild like I was so worried about taxes when I was 14
— mary beth (@marybethbarone) October 26, 2020
I don’t understand how snakes move and I don’t want to. that is none of my business
— damned to hell weisberg (@danielleweisber) October 28, 2020
abba was right in super trouper i AM sick and tired of everything
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) October 26, 2020
"Well-behaved women seldom make history," I whisper as I don't wait the full 10 minutes for the oven to preheat.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 25, 2020
this has been me for most of 2020 pic.twitter.com/7GrjZEbhiG
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 28, 2020
My mom thinks I’m doing drugs every time I take an evening stroll. She’s not wrong but her certainty is rather arrogant
— Dina Hashem (@dinahashem_) October 26, 2020
The scene in titanic where kathy bates gives leo a makeover should be a montage lasting fifteen to twenty minutes
— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) October 28, 2020
huge pet peeve of mine is when im making my boyfriend take pics of me in public and a stranger stops and asks if we want one of the two of us together. um lmao no babe, that’s not what this is, he’s merely my photo servant and my instagram followers need to think im single.
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) October 24, 2020
might fuck around and become a huge bitch
— Estelle Tang (@waouwwaouw) October 27, 2020
stopping Carrie at exactly this moment so that it's a feel-good movie now pic.twitter.com/13xiwry9S6
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) October 24, 2020
*chugging coffee while trying to figure out what’s causing my anxiety*
— Starring Michelle 💚 (@starringmichell) October 27, 2020
Set your clocks back by telling them their accomplishments are meaningless and you never really loved them
— elle 🎃 (@notfunnyelle) October 26, 2020
“maybe she’s born with it! or maybe not, who knows.” —me avoiding assumptions
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 28, 2020
masked in the streets
— addie weyrich (@addieyomind) October 29, 2020
super spreader in the sheets
thinking about the goop employee currently being strapped in a rocket to get some moon water
— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) October 26, 2020
I am easily the hottest chick in this abandoned parking lot
— Just a Chloe (@CArmanthegirl) October 24, 2020
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