How Couples In Long-Distance Relationships Are Keeping Their Sex Lives Hot

Here's how people are keeping the spark alive when in-person intimacy isn't an option.
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ILLUSTRATION: ARIEL DAVIS FOR HUFFPOST
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The COVID-19 pandemic has impacted peoples’ sex lives in profound ways. One particularly hard-hit group are those in long-distance relationships, who are unable to see each other regularly due to travel restrictions.

What I’ve noticed is that the advice I was giving back in April and May is not resonating now, nearly a year later as the pandemic has dragged on,” sexologist and sexual happiness coach Jill McDevitt told HuffPost. “For instance, doing a strip tease over Zoom was a sexy novel way to keep things hot at the start of the pandemic. Now that people are ‘Zoomed-out’ from using video platforms every day for work, to see their doctor, to attend conferences, to have birthday parties, it doesn’t feel quite so sexy or novel anymore.”

Still, couples are getting creative. We asked people in long-distance relationships and the dating coaches who work with them to share how they’re keeping their sex lives hot right now.

They watch something sexy together.

“My partner and I have movie dates with Teleparty and found that can be a way to spice things up sexually too. After reading about how sexy ‘Bridgerton’ is, we decided to watch it together. It definitely set the mood.” ― Sarah, a digital marketing manager.

“During the pandemic, we’ve started watching porn together while on video calls.” ― Rob B., a bartender

They write each other seductive letters.

“One of the women I work with is based in northern California and her partner lives just over the Canadian border. With the borders now closed, they have found letter-writing to be a seductive way to build anticipation and connection on top of their regular phone and video communication. She drafts handwritten letters on beautiful stationery and scents with seductive fragrances. The letters can take up to 10 days to arrive and so the arrival is a fun surprise and builds a fun layer of seductive excitement into their relationship.” ― Andrea McGinty, a dating coach and founder of 33 Thousand Dates

They FaceTime while taking a bath.

“My boyfriend and I sometimes FaceTime when we’re both taking baths. I ordered a bunch of bath oils and a candle for the bathroom to set the mood.” ― Renata, a grad student

They invest in innovative sex toys.

“One couple I work with, a couple in their 50s, bought each other remote-controlled sex toys that they each can control for the the other remotely via Wi-Fi. They have found it to be a really fun way to interact sexually and keep their spark alive and active.” ― McGinty

They take racy photos.

“When I’m in the mood, but he’s not free to FaceTime, I put on lingerie and take photos of myself doing a striptease. I even bought a tripod and remote to make it easier!” ― Alex J., a tech consultant

They send sultry surprises in the mail.

“We send each other surprise packages, sometimes with sex toys or underwear. It’s so easy to order things online and keeps things exciting.” ― Jordan, an executive assistant

They sext with regularity.

“We sext all the time. Sometimes we tell each other about fantasies we’re having. Other times, it’s a lot of nudes.” ― Sarah

“One partner in a newly formed D.C. couple had to unexpectedly move to London for her work within the government. They quickly found themselves in a long-distance relationship and have turned to using Signal, a secure communications service, to keep their racier communications completely private and secure.” ― McGinty

They work out together.

“We’ll do workouts over Zoom together. It’s a lot of sweating and moving our bodies in new angles, so it can put us in the mood. And it releases endorphins, so win-win.” ― Blake, a PR coordinator

They use their imaginations while talking on the phone.

“FaceTime angles aren’t always very sexy, so sometimes it’s hotter to turn the camera off and just talk on the phone.” ― Blake

“Bring back the phone call. To me, video chats can always feel like just another work meeting. Hearing your partner’s voice alone can make you feel bonded and leaves more room for imagination which is far sexier than bad lighting and piles of dirty laundry in the background. Plus, if you decide to make things steamy, there’s less chance of an embarrassing digital record falling into the wrong hands than a video or sexy photo.” ― Damona Hoffman, a dating coach and host of the “Dates & Mates” podcast

They role-play.

“We’ve started experimenting with role-play, just whatever scenario comes to mind ― like pretending to be a cam girl.” ― Jordan

Long-Distance Love is a HuffPost series all about long-distance relationships and how to make them work, especially during the COVID-19 pandemic. We’ll feature advice for romantic relationships and friendships alike, with tips on how to keep your connection strong despite the distance.