If you haven't yet realized it, graduation from high school or college can be a friendship-killer. When you are no longer living side-by-side or seeing each other every day, it will never be quite as easy to keep up once-close female friendships or to make new ones.
With more than $55 million in domestic box office sales, Sex and the City made its mark as the highest-grossing chick flick in history on its opening weekend. Why did working women and working-at-home women leave their boyfriends, husbands, and kids behind, flocking in droves to see a movie that will likely be available on Netflix and pay-per-view in the blink of an eye? They wanted to see each other.
Sex is the ultimate excuse for a girl's night out - something that women are desperately craving as our multi-tasking lifestyles leave less discretionary time for female friendships. The march on Stilettos to movie houses across the country was nothing short of a surge. Women clicked on Fandango and lined up for tickets because they were eager to redress their friendship deficit. Regardless of our age or stage in life, many women simply don't have enough friends to meet their needs for understanding and being understood.
Sex, both movie and the series, hit the nail on the head when it comes to female friendships. We all covet the close friendships like the ones mirrored by Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte. Women went to see Sex but they were more excited about the before and after cocktails, dinners and parties they had planned with each other. They wanted to walk in the footsteps of the foursome.
Getting back to my commencement remarks -- Graduation often means going home or moving away, leaving the familiar and making new starts. As a result, it is a time when many of us lose touch with women whom we see every day and call and text in-between -- both besties and entire friendship circles that are meaningful parts of our lives.
Make yourself a promise to keep up with your school chums -- especially the ones with whom you have been able to share both happiness and heartbreaks. As you age and life becomes more complex and demanding, you'll realize that you have given yourself the most wonderful treasure. A few of the basics:
1) Always make friendship a priority (right up there after family). If you need a rationale to convince you, here it is: Research shows that social support and close friendships are linked to improved health and emotional well-being.
2) Get rid of toxic friendships that are consistently negative and emotionally draining. We all have one or two gal pals that are annoying to be with, people we feel ambivalent about and who probably feel ambivalent about us. Just let go of them.
3) Find any excuse to create rituals to stay in touch with the good friends. It shouldn't be a one-time affair. Make a plan to get together every month or at least several times a year. It can be on milestone birthdays or periodic girlfriend getaway jaunts. Or even the opening of a long-awaited chick flick!
4) In-between, use every way possible to stay connected via cell phones, Blackberries, and old-fashioned letters until the next time your see each other.
Female graduates: Congratulations! Go forth with your friends!
Irene S. Levine, PhD is a freelance journalist and author who blogs about female friendships at HuffPo and www.fracturedfriendships.com. She is a professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine and is working on a book about female friendships, The Myth of Best Friends Forever, which will be published by Overlook Press.
