Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.
Somehow, the spouses of Twitter continue to find humor in the minutiae of married life ― and sum it up perfectly in no more than 280 characters.
Every other week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets of the previous 14 days. Read on for 21 new relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.
marriage is fun you get to learn things like it’s possible to fold a towel inside out— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 27, 2023
Anytime my husband upsets me, I just add more shampoo bottles to our shower. Currently, there’s 47.— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) May 1, 2023
Dating: come get closer— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) May 6, 2023
Marriage: omg why are you so close
There are two types of people: Those who are always ten minutes early and those who think it only takes ten minutes to get anywhere, and they marry each other.— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 27, 2023
Me *to my wife*: How can you watch such a cringey reality show?— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 26, 2023
Also Me: Dammit, I can’t wait for the next season!
Being married to someone with adhd means every time they leave the house to go somewhere they will come back in 4 or 5 times within the next 2 minutes to grab things they forgot so you get used to saying goodbye a lot of times in a row.— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 26, 2023
Some couples exercise together.— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 30, 2023
My wife and I text each other videos while we're sitting in the same room.
husband & kids are out of town so I’m back to my natural state (depressed, Cheetos for dinner, wondering why is life)— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) May 6, 2023
Husband: You’re overly anal.— Michele (@marvelousmrsmom) April 27, 2023
Me: You’re underly aware.
husband: have you seen my jeans?— meghan (@deloisivete) April 26, 2023
5yo: have you tried the big closet where all the clothes are?
me: *sheds a single tear of pride*
A sucker Punch but it’s just my wife calling the dog who’s on my lap.— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) April 27, 2023
The most harrowing part of marriage is having a day where you both have plans, not asking for details about said plans, and ultimately running into each other at the location of plans— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) May 1, 2023
If the thought of arguing about what constitutes as a drizzle sounds appealing, marriage might be right for you.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 4, 2023
A good husband is someone who orders large fries with his meal because he knows his wife who “didn’t want fries” is going to eat half of them.— The Dad (@thedad) May 2, 2023
My husband just walked up to me with a wet rag in his hand and said "do you like leaving these in the kitchen sink or is this just a common accident? Not picking a fight, just trying to understand."— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) May 4, 2023
I have no memory of doing this and didn't know how to respond.
on a long roadtrip with my wife when the most amazing thing happened — at one point she let an entire song play from beginning to end— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) May 7, 2023
My husband and I play this fun game called “Mansplaining” and the loser has to sleep on the couch that night and I get the bed all to myself— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) May 4, 2023
Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud’ but they will be, oh they will be— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 1, 2023
Wife: I need your opinion on this— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 28, 2023
Wife: No, never mind
Congratulations to my wife on the purchase of her one millionth Amazon order.— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) April 30, 2023
Marriage is having each other’s backs during social events. For example, I tell my spouse the exact moment I notice food in his beard. In turn, my spouse tells me the exact moment we arrive home, he notices lipstick on my teeth.— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) April 26, 2023