Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
90% of homeschooling is telling your kids to not spill your drink.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 31, 2020
5-year-old: When you were a kid, did you have electricity?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 31, 2020
Me: Yes.
5: Did you get it from a kite in a storm?
My toddler shouted “I NEED A BREAK FROM ALL OF YOU” and then locked himself in his bedroom. When we asked what happened he replied “nothing I’m just being daddy”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 31, 2020
My daughter just asked me where we keep our crow bar and I’m pretty sure that’s my cue to end the unsupervised play portion of our day.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) April 2, 2020
At least we don’t have to go to our kids’ field day this year.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 2, 2020
This is like the only time we can tell our kids the park is closed when they ask to go to the park, and we won't be lying.
— Marcy G 🍕 (@BunAndLeggings) April 2, 2020
please elect my 6 y/o who has never ONCE, not one goddamned time no matter who or what opposition he was facing, failed to negotiate down the amount of bites he has to take of his dinner
— maura quint (@behindyourback) April 2, 2020
Last night my 4yo said a prayer for all the people in the world including "Africa, Asia and Syrup." From now on, I will be referring to Europe only as Syrup.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 1, 2020
Breaking: I’ve decided all of my kids are in fourth grade now.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 30, 2020
Me: Man cannot live off of pancakes and water alone!
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 31, 2020
My kids: Challenge accepted!
My favorite memory from 2020 so far was probably waking up in the morning and sending my kids to school. That was pretty neat, idk.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 30, 2020
Child: I need help with my school work.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 3, 2020
Also the child: THAT’S NOT HOW YOU DO IT
Took my kids for a drive today so they could play their iPads and argue with each other in a smaller space that’s also moving.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) March 31, 2020
Me: *serves dinner*
— The Stinkerbell (@thestinkerbell_) April 2, 2020
My toddler: what’s this?
Me: lasagna.
Toddler: I no want it.
Me: Just kidding, it’s noodle pizza.
Toddler: GIMME
Homeschooling update day 9:
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 2, 2020
Today we did maths
If you have 3 kids, and they are awake roughly 13 hours in the day, and you’re trying to work from home, how many times will you hear the word ‘snack’?
My daughter examined how a measuring tape retracted and announced that it “disappeared into a magical world.” So yeah, homeschooling is going just great.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 31, 2020
Me: What do you want for breakfast?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 2, 2020
3: Cheeseburgers
Me: No we can’t ha...wait
Me pre-quarantine: *Encourages my son to play piano*
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) April 2, 2020
Me in quarantine: Please. Stop.
My 4 yo just walked into my room and said, “Mommy. I got a snack for us.”
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) March 31, 2020
And now I I have a favorite child
I just discovered today that the little orange juices the school is sending for lunch delivery are the perfect size for a screwdriver
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) March 30, 2020
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