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My oldest wanted a juice box, so I told him to go pick one out. He came back with a bottle of apple cider vinegar, thinking it was apple juice.— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) September 22, 2020
So my question is how horrible of a parent am I that I just went along with it?
I love that when I’m telling my kids to stop fighting, I say “I’m not in the mood,” like if they tried me on a different day I might be cool with their bullshit.— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) September 21, 2020
“Wow. I’ve never seen someone get so much yogurt on their neck.”— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) September 21, 2020
Follow me for more suggestions on compliments to give your 2 year old.
My daughter says she’s not mad at me but she did just hug her dad and tell him, “I love you more than anyone” without breaking eye contact with me.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 19, 2020
“Have kids,” they said.
“I’m scared. I can’t see the bottom of this.”— Wendy Molyneux (@WendyMolyneux) September 21, 2020
— my four year old today, regarding why he didn’t want to eat some fruit cobbler
I told my son we couldn’t afford something and he asked why I didn’t have more money, and I wanted to be like, “You, dude. You are entirely the reason I don’t have more money.”— The Dad (@thedad) September 19, 2020
I just wanna be naked and eat chocolate— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) September 19, 2020
Inspirational words from my 2 yr old in these difficult times
6-year-old: What if I accidentally used magic and my teddy bear became a real bear and attacked me?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 21, 2020
Me: I don't think that's a real concern.
6: Maybe not for you.
8yo: Your the best teacher I’ve ever had, Mom.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 23, 2020
Me: *eyes well with tears* You’re.
Welcome to parenthood. Your refrigerator is now a graveyard of your kids’ half-finished drinks.— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 21, 2020
7: I’m hungry— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) September 20, 2020
Me: We have bananas, apples, peaches, grapes and strawberries
7: I’ll take an orange
If I am your friend trying to convince you to have kids please don’t fall for it I’m just looking for someone to commiserate with— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 21, 2020
My home decor can best be described as "kids live here"— Marl (@Marlebean) September 22, 2020
10 year old: You bought a lot of fruit, mom!— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) September 22, 2020
Me *thinking of the gallon of sangria I’m about to make*: Gotta get in your daily servings!
Took my son to the eye doctor & was asked how much screen time I allow.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 21, 2020
Are you kidding me? It’s 2020. There’s your answer.
Child: I need help.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 22, 2020
Child: There are 100 bees in a hive. 88% of the bees fly out. How many bees are still in the hive?
Me: Are they murder hornets?
Child: I dunno. Why?
Me: Well we might already be dead so it really doesn't matter.
Wife: Why do this.
I'm hiding from my kids in the closet so I can peacefully eat some cookies. I can hear them all walking around like a bunch of DEA agents. I'm trying my best to destroy all the evidence before they bust me.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 21, 2020
Playdates were invented to force parents into cleaning their home— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 20, 2020
On our walk this morning I mentioned that my legs were sore.— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) September 18, 2020
Hubs: I’ll carry you!
6: How can you carry her? She’s heavy!
Me: Daddy is strong...and I’m not THAT heavy!
6: Welllll, you LOOK heavy.
8 has had his harmonica for barely a week and is already recording tutorials for his ‘fans’ so if anyone would like a class on how to sound like a cat choking on another cat hit me up— MumInBits (@MumInBits) September 23, 2020
Please keep my 4yo in your thoughts— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) September 22, 2020
There’s nothing wrong with her, she just inherited her father’s sneeze