Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
The book Corduroy is too sophisticated for my son because he was 7 months old when lockdown started so he has no idea what a “store” is. I have to be like “It’s a house where nothing is yours.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) February 17, 2021
Them: Describe the joys of parenthood in 2 words.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 18, 2021
Me: The what?
as a parent I have to make difficult decisions like what to feed them and how much tv to let them watch and if I should stop my daughter from behaving like a puppy at the dinner table or just let her continue barking and licking her plate
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 17, 2021
Just found out my daughter has named the plague in her video game after me. pic.twitter.com/1AJq8Ux3jc
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 15, 2021
Eating my kids' leftover scraps of food hunched over the kitchen sink like I'm some kind of feral mom
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 18, 2021
can i call a parenting lid
— ryan teague beckwith (@ryanbeckwith) February 16, 2021
Was not prepared for how much of parenting would just be repeating “please don’t do that with your sandwich.”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 13, 2021
I regret teaching 4 the difference between b and d by saying that b has a belly and d has a diaper.
— MichiMama 💓 (@michimama75) February 18, 2021
my kid learned a cat's average life span is 10-15 years (ours is 9) and now he can't stop petting her and going "I'll miss her" like wtf dude stop
— mother dysnomia 🌚 (@acony_belle) February 18, 2021
If children knew how much their parents were winging it, the whole system would topple.
— dADDisms (@Beagz) February 13, 2021
so anyway turns out the reason my 4yo is sad is because he misses the fart he did earlier
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) February 15, 2021
brb gotta drop my middle schooler off at the Maldives
— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty) February 18, 2021
The 3 yr old keeps calling the baby’s pack and play her “cage” and “trap”
— amil (@amil) February 17, 2021
My 9yo let me know that she’s starting to get really stressed about how old I’m getting.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 18, 2021
Thanks kid.
Recently when I got my sad baby boy out of his crib I said, "I got you baby." And through his tears he patted my back and said, "I got you mama."
— Just Heather 🖤 (@weedswildflowrs) February 17, 2021
Now he says it every time I take him out of his crib and this is the sorcery that makes people willingly have more kids.
6: dad how did you get color
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 15, 2021
me: what
6: when did you turn into color?
me: i'm confused
6: [frustrated] you know like some movies don't have color. when did you get yours?
me: wait..do you think i was in black and white when i was born???
6: when did you turn into color
Day 1 of parenting: I vow to love and protect this child and I promise not to make the same mistakes my parents made.
— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) February 18, 2021
Day 458 of parenting: *over phone* hey mom how much whiskey can you put on a pacifier?
Just found a box full of cords in my daughter’s room so I guess she is ready to be a dad.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 16, 2021
I’m not a regular Mom.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 14, 2021
I’m a “YOU BETTER DIE IN YOUR VIDEO GAME BECAUSE DINNER IS READY IN 5 MINUTES!” Mom.
My 6yo snuggled up next to me, looked lovingly into my eyes and said, "My brain doesn't really work like yours, because it works good."
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 17, 2021
happy love day ❤️ pic.twitter.com/M44tsXw8Bh
— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) February 14, 2021
Parenting is so hard cause how am I supposed to pretend pirate’s booty wouldn’t make a good breakfast
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 15, 2021
Told my sons to stop playing video games and go outside so now they’re outside pretending they’re characters in a video game and I’ll take it as a win
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) February 14, 2021
Two of my kids just had an entire argument by singing at each other and now I understand how musicals are made.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 14, 2021
I highly recommend my 8YO if you’re looking to hire a Chief Arguing Officer
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 13, 2021
There’s a certain point in parenthood where if you want to see a clean kitchen you turn on HGTV.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 16, 2021