The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
it’s so humiliating to make a reservation and show up to a restaurant thats nearly empty. I’m surprised the hostess doesn’t point and laugh when I walk thru the door
— sarah schauer 🦂 (@sarahschauer) March 28, 2023
love bombing wouldn’t work on me. i would just be like thank u this is exactly the appropriate amount of love. Ramp it up actually
— Grace (@gracecamille_) March 29, 2023
when me and the girlies meet up to talk about our dating lives https://t.co/5kk7v1PHpO
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) March 26, 2023
I don’t think I could be president actually. because I would have to take my motion sickness pill every time they drive me somewhere or I go on air force one. Also I don’t like politics
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) March 28, 2023
My little dog needs a haircut so bad that whenever she raises her head she looks like a panicked scientist trying to warn the government that a storm of epic proportions is coming but NO ONE is taking her seriously
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) March 27, 2023
me in boarding group 7 walking by the absolute losers in boarding group 8 pic.twitter.com/EWdhwncqmY
— Kendall (@Kenny___Rose) March 26, 2023
There’s a parrot missing in my neighborhood and it’s a $3,000 reward for him. I be outside twice a day with hella crackers hoping he shows up
— bria celest (@55mmbae) March 27, 2023
a thing that’s important in friendship is seeing something weird, taking a picture of it, then sending it to them and saying “that’s you”
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) March 28, 2023
if your name is Andrew you’re being publicly humiliated at a starbucks in brooklyn pic.twitter.com/ZXMdt2XxF7
— morg (@realtaterthot) March 28, 2023
I am in Target. I am trying to buy a photo album. I asked where they might be. Worker did not know what a photo album was. I said it was a place to keep pictures. He sent me to the tech aisle. He assumed I wanted memory to store more pictures on my phone. I am 1 billion years old
— Monica Hesse (@MonicaHesse) March 29, 2023
“She’s brought a ludicrously capacious bag. What’s even in there, huh? Flat shoes for the subway? Her lunch pail? I mean…it’s monstrous. It’s gargantuan. You could take it camping. You could slide it across the floor after a bank job.” pic.twitter.com/lLmzi4w2Ic
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) March 28, 2023
I don’t have a boyfriend so i have to answer every spam call for the chance to give someone an update on the hailey bieber selena gomez thing. its annoying but I know women who came before me faced greater challenges
— helena (@freshhel) March 25, 2023
Big brain business name 🧠 pic.twitter.com/iY1lhi4gAJ
— Alicia Tatone (@AliciaTatone) March 28, 2023
Was concerned that one of the kittens isn't growing as fast as the other, so I asked the vet if something might be wrong w/ him and she said "it sounds like he's just a little guy." Now I *cannot* stop yelling "he's just a little guy!!!" in response to every single thing he does
— Lilly Dancyger (@lillydancyger) March 28, 2023
god forbid a man has hobbies https://t.co/rEOWIMiZVm
— lucy ford 🍊 (@lucyj_ford) March 27, 2023
People saying “omg everything in succession is so intentional” like how tf do you think tv shows are made? Do you think cast all just show up in clothes from home?
— Camilla Blackett (@camillard) March 27, 2023
losing it 😂💜 pic.twitter.com/yYEgMFMRSy
— brooke foster, 2023 edition (@lonesometoast) March 25, 2023
I thought the pope’s puffer jacket was real and didnt give it a second thought. no way am I surviving the future of technology
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 26, 2023
You're laughing. Barron won't even be allowed to visit his dad in prison because they're going to think he's three kids in a trench coat and you're laughing
— G. L. (@gldivittorio) March 31, 2023
the first true spring day in new york city is absolute chaos; you will fall in love with anyone who speaks to you, purchase something you cannot afford, accept every social invitation on offer, dabble in blue eyeshadow, and say things like "can you BELIEVE this weather?" to a dog
— rachel syme (@rachsyme) March 26, 2023
very thoughtful of aritzia to set up a daycare for boyfriends pic.twitter.com/5ljDTuadGT
— Rachel Jessica Wolff (@RachelJessWolff) March 25, 2023
The fitness trainer asked me, “What kind of a squat are you accustomed to doing?”
— mariana Z (@mariana057) March 30, 2023
I said, “Diddly.”
i’m obsessed with how they talk on tiktok. girlie it’s called a grocery store pic.twitter.com/lOqLO2C8iL
— sara lebow (@SlebowSays) March 26, 2023
Tom Wambsgans is a thousand “no worries if not”s bottled into one man
— Tess Garcia (@HiThisIsTess) March 27, 2023
i’m never more cognizant of which innocuous social norms i take for granted until i’m in an airport
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) March 27, 2023
pug owners: my dog is the cutest thing ever
— Mona (@RealMona_) March 24, 2023
the dog: pic.twitter.com/mrPnUrOPoX
The most important step in making dinner for your boyfriend is staring at him while he eats the first bite then whimpering “you hate it & me”
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) March 29, 2023
matilda: https://t.co/RBaic9rUFt
— betty (@strawbetty_) March 25, 2023
Remember how we used to have ‘black pants’ in the 00s? Not jeans, not black office pants. Just black pants to wear with your going out top?
— big molly media (@molls) March 27, 2023
Can I ask a stupid question. What’s wrong with trees https://t.co/LNkDhUCOIi
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) March 29, 2023
not sure what's longer:
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) March 27, 2023
a microwave minute or watching a video while someone else is holding the phone insisting it's hilarious
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