The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
I’m watching a show where the captions keep saying “indistinct” ….babe your job is to make it distinct for us are you quiet quitting
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) September 17, 2023
i love it when i can tell a friend is doing their content rounds. thank you for sending me a tweet and a tiktok during your shift at the post factory queen. see you again in 2-8 hours
— kelsey weekman (@kelsaywhat) September 19, 2023
the girl version of the roman empire is constantly thinking about that one thing that happened 7 years ago
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) September 17, 2023
long-term relationships are all about developing a dialect so embarrassing you’d rather be shot than have audio of your daily conversations leak
— lesbian mothman (@verysmallriver) September 17, 2023
“would you like to check your account balance?” god no. my balance is none of my business
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) September 18, 2023
it’s soo important to ask yourself challenging questions like “should i eat dinner before i shower or after??” and ultimately become so paralyzed by indecision that it becomes too late to do either
— chase (@_chase_____) September 19, 2023
The first year husband & I were married he YELLED out in the middle of the night. I startled awake and asked what was wrong and he said, “I had a dream that you rolled over and your face was actually a demon face.”
— emily (@emilykmay) September 19, 2023
And then he went back to sleep.
Reader, I did not.
a walk of shame but the kind where you emerge from your home at 6:21 PM, buy several beverages, and go back inside
— Eve (@eve_kenneally) September 17, 2023
my favorite pride & prejudice 2005 lore was that rosamund pike and simon woods were exes, joe wright and rosamund were dating, and keira and rupert friend were dating all at the same time during filming. a messy british affair just like jane austen would have wanted
— aria (@rnostardently) September 16, 2023
yeah i think about the roman empire pic.twitter.com/q7mp8V5JLI
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) September 17, 2023
need to eat a cosmic brownie rn i want to feel like i’m eating radioactive plastic
— chrissy chlapecka (@chrissychlapp) September 19, 2023
I tried donating blood today. Never again. Way too many questions. Whose blood is that? Where did you get it from? Why is it in a bucket?
— Helen Ingram (@drhingram) September 17, 2023
YALL NEED TO UTILZE GOOGLE. pic.twitter.com/iG0IYn4iZW
— kristina with a k (@cosmepolitics) September 17, 2023
i got the covid booster and a flu shot earlier today and the guy giving it to me was like “are you getting this for school or work?” and i panicked and said “for fun”
— evelyn gee frick (@evelyngfrick) September 18, 2023
today an older woman asked me if “<3” meant vagina and boobs
— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) September 20, 2023
The FAQ’s for Olivia Rodrigo’s tour 😭 pic.twitter.com/ouGa5hLk91
— the summer scorpio 💌 (@girlbosskenroy) September 21, 2023
The quality of sweaters has declined so greatly in the last twenty years that I think it genuinely necessitates a national conversation https://t.co/sbjNYp4KSy
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) September 20, 2023
hey i can’t come in to work today i have to indulge my childlike sense of joy and wonder
— trash jones (@jzux) September 18, 2023
The office manager of the triangle shirtwaist factory: https://t.co/50lryJnXi9
— Sophie Ross (@SophRossss) September 18, 2023
securing your desired username on a new app is the closest millennials and zoomers will get to owning land
— cinnamon bun (@notsofiacoppola) September 20, 2023
“I don’t use Tik Tok” says the person watching recycled tik toks on reels and YouTube shorts
— Aoibhín (@Aoibhin_B) September 18, 2023
everyone acts like forming/keeping adult friendships is hard. i send my friend of 13 years a picture of a rock and he texts me back “nice”. what’s hard
— Sofa Coca-Cola (@carlixann) September 20, 2023
If you begin a tweet with “If I’m being honest,” “Not gonna lie,” “I’m just gonna say it,” I need you to drop the mf’ing hammer. Whatever comes next needs to shatter my world. Y’all are wasting “I gotta be honest” on things like “Oppenheimer was long” and “cold pizza is good.”
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) September 17, 2023
I feel like whoever named them Red Delicious apples has never actually eaten a delicious apple.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) September 18, 2023
Worst part about not buying snacks so you won’t eat snacks is not having snacks when you need a lil snack
— bria celest (@55mmbae) September 21, 2023
The younger generation will never know the absolute panic of dropping the Mapquest directions and the pages getting mixed up while a dad screams, “WHAT EXIT DO I TAKE????”
— emily (@emilykmay) September 18, 2023
Why this little girl just recognized me in this store with her fine ass daddy?? So embarrassing this girl saying “yeah she makes tiktoks” . NO LITTLE GIRL IM A MARKETING DATA ANALYST.
— niccoya ⭐️ (@niccoyat) September 21, 2023
Your wedding could have been beautiful but you didn’t serve cake.
— It’s 𝘿𝙖𝙣𝙖, actually (@HourLongSauce) September 18, 2023
first tattoo: it is so important I get this right, it is for life
— Mollie Goodfellow (@hansmollman) September 21, 2023
every other tattoo: just having a laugh really
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