35 Funny Tweets About Bagel Love

On a scale of 1 to "everything bagel", how good are everything bagels?

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) October 22, 2013

CAUTION : THE ROADS ARE SO DANGEROUS RIGHT NOW UNLESS YOU WANNA GO GET ME SOME BAGELS, THEN THEY ARE FINE

— yessica haircut (@hellohappy_time) March 13, 2018

Maybe she’s born with it. Maybe it’s all those onion bagels.

— Quinn Sutherland (@ReelQuinn) September 3, 2017

To: The Whole Company
From: tara
Subj: FREE BAGELS IN KITCHEN

would be sucha good idea you guys

Thanks,
Tara

— tara shoe (@tarashoe) November 7, 2014

Everything bagels. You are very aptly named. You're everything.

— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) March 28, 2013

[after I cut a bagel] would you like the side that is somehow three times larger than the original bagel or the side that is the first object ever to have only two dimensions

— Jake (@dubiousrhetoric) February 18, 2018

Wish I was jokin when a say one of my fave things about having nails on is bein able to get me bagel out the toaster without burning ma fingers x

— Em (@__emilyatkinson) October 7, 2018

Everything bagels are great to eat if you like storing them in your teeth for the next 12-14 months.

— kames. (@KimmyMonte) May 14, 2016

Everything bagels are phenomenal but sometimes they make people overlook the underrated poppyseed bagel, which is a damn shame

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) May 20, 2018

People in LA are deathly afraid of gluten. I swear to god, you could rob a liquor store in this city with a bagel.

— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) January 7, 2017

surprising my family with $49.56 worth of bagels i bought on qvc :) https://t.co/JWNvz2aUCi

— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) July 12, 2017

Overheard in my house:

Q: Are you OK with everything?

A: Yes. I love everything.

Topic was bagels.

— John Hodgman (@hodgman) March 26, 2017

Omg if there was an everything bagel fragrance I would wear her

— Jonathan Van Ness (@jvn) April 17, 2018

forgot the name for wreaths and called them christmas bagels

— kames. (@KimmyMonte) December 3, 2018

I want to open a Buddhist bakery that specializes in nothing bagels.

— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) October 7, 2018

[opens freezer] Hey where did the pizza bagels come from?

Well son, when a pizza & a bagel love each other very much...

— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) January 18, 2015

3 has requested five bagels for breakfast.

Seems reasonable

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) November 15, 2019

Not to sound dramatic but if you're from New Jersey and get your bagels at Dunkin Donuts you need to find Christ and reevaluate your morals

— Caviar Sanchez (@drrotti) October 21, 2017

On #NationalDonutDay, let's not forget the unsung heroes, the savory members of the doughnut family – BAGELS. pic.twitter.com/gV3K68umUz

— Gennefer Gross (@Gennefer) June 1, 2018

*puts on romantic music*
*lights candles*
*scatters pizza bagels all over the bed*

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 5, 2015

They’ll just call any old round piece of bread with a hole in it a “New York bagel.”

You’re not fooling anyone, New York-adjacent bagels.

— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) March 14, 2016

"woah there that's a lot of cream cheese on your bagel"

wOoOaAaaH there that's a lot of asshole in your personality shut up

— lohanthony (@lohanthony) February 8, 2014

It's amazing there are no love songs about everything bagels.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 20, 2013

This how Tim hortons gives you a bagel with cream cheese https://t.co/zx1geeMn0s

— Danny (@Danny_MAZE) July 24, 2019

I’m just gonna keep eating bagels until things start to make sense.

— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) September 18, 2018

Lady at the store bought the last of the fresh bagels, so I stole her cart because I wanted them. Not sure what to do with her baby though.

— Faux Ma (@Faux_Ma) January 5, 2012

I love smoked salmon bagels more than Kanye loves Kanye.

— Slightly funny Jew (@Dani_Feld) January 27, 2014

Bagels make the worst DVDs

— Megan Amram (@meganamram) September 20, 2011

CAN BAGELS JUST LIVE THEIR LIVES https://t.co/nw23xJsAry

— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) January 31, 2018

I just had a 20 minute conversation about cheese bagels and if you can't understand that, we can't be friends.

— Northern Lights 🐢🦕🦖 (@PinkCamoTO) April 12, 2019

[getting urine test results]

You've tested positive for opiates-

ME: probably the bagel I had

-and THC, cocaine, steroids, and also you're pregnant

ME: it was an everything bagel

— Terry F (@daemonic3) April 11, 2018

When mom tries to put the fake artisan bagels in your cart #PSAT pic.twitter.com/G2DWvkBTqk

— Brittany (@britt_young3) October 19, 2016

I hate when people do a sloppy cream cheese spread on their bagels. Give the fucking bagel the love it deserves and make your spread even.

— J (@JackJ) March 15, 2015

It's a sure sign of spring when the bagels start to bloom. pic.twitter.com/BhtFCcVOHi

— pat tobin (@tastefactory) March 28, 2015

interesting how u can eat an everything bagel n still feel like u have nothing

— lil arab (@sweatyhairy) February 19, 2018