Sometimes it seems like children would subsist entirely off sugar if they could.
That’s how many parents feel, anyway. From endless requests for cookies to refusals to share ice cream, there’s no shortage of opportunities for kids to express their love for all things dessert ― and no shortage of opportunities for parents to tweet about it.
We’ve rounded up 35 funny and relatable tweets about kids’ love of sweets.
6YO: Can I eat a cookie?
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2021
Me: Finish your dinner first
6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space
I like that when I ask my daughter for a bite of her dessert she responds by hissing like a snake.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 15, 2020
6-year-old: How many cookies can I have?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 22, 2021
Me: One.
6: Cookies like to be in pairs.
Changed the word "muffin" to "cupcake" and now the thing on my 3 year old's plate is edible.
— Brian Hope (@Brianhopecomedy) October 21, 2014
Parenting is telling your kid they can’t have a cookie before bed knowing full well you’ll have an entire sleeve of cookies after they go to bed.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 13, 2021
My 5 year old sings “Happy Birthday” everytime she washes her hands and my 2 year old cries that there’s no cake.
— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) March 15, 2020
My daughter only wants girls at her playground birthday party. My sister explained that we can have more cupcakes if we also invite boys and my daughter said each girl at her party will need two or more cupcakes. #womenhelpingwomen
— Beth Newell (@bethnew) April 14, 2021
me: please don't give them any C-O-O-K-I-E-S today
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 9, 2019
mother in law: cookies?
kids: COOKIES!!!!
My kids continue to fight over the last piece of this dessert, or as I call it, Devil's Feud Cake.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 21, 2021
5-year-old: I know where cookies are.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 23, 2017
Me: Where?
5: The store. Go buy them.
I’m not saying my 4yo is an optimist, but while putting groceries away he held up a bag of cookies and said “I’ll just keep these in my room, ok?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 23, 2020
Daughter: dessert?
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 18, 2019
Wife: you have to eat more dinner first
Daughter: but that means less room for cookies
Me: *puts down fork* that’s an excellent point
“We don’t eat cookies for breakfast!” - Things I yell before handing each kid a donut with chocolate milk for breakfast
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 26, 2021
Did I serve my children unfrosted chocolate cupcakes for breakfast, rebranded as "chocolate muffins"?
— Becky The Most Annoying Mom (@beckyhas4kids) May 30, 2019
I'm available for all your marketing needs.
My 3yr old has been crying for 2 hours because she ate all of her dinner but didn’t get ice cream...We’re all out of ice cream.
— Will Rodgers (@WilliamRodgers) June 16, 2018
She won’t shut up...
It’s 9:25pm and I’m driving to pick up ice cream...
For those of you out there thinking about having unprotected sex tonight...
4: mommy does this have sugar in it?
— There is no Marissa, Only Zuul💚🍃💛 (@michimama75) July 19, 2020
Me:....the brownie batter?! Yes. It has sugar in it.
4, whispering: I love sugar
I wish my kids would make their crimes more challenging to solve. But how do you know I ate the brownies!? Because you're still eating them, and the evidence is all over your face, and the rest of the brownies are under your bed.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 3, 2020
[dinner]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 2, 2019
Child: I’m full.
Me: Okay.
Child: Can I have dessert?
Me: What? You said you were full.
Child: Yeah, full of THIS.
7-year-old: I need more friends.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 12, 2021
Me: Why?
7: More birthday parties. More cake.
I didn't get mad at my son for sneaking candy into his room & eating the entire bag until he threw up because I do the same thing with wine.
— Faux Ma (@Faux_Ma) December 6, 2014
Inventor of candy: I'm a GENIUS
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 8, 2021
Inventor of candy, after having kids:
[invents Benadryl]
Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. You’ll thank me for this later, I promise
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) July 27, 2021
[putting away groceries]
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 12, 2017
Me: Do you know where the cookies go?
4-year-old: In my face.
I take inspiration from my kids' ability to overcome adversity. Moments ago they were "too full" to eat their green beans, but their grandmother just brought out cookies and somehow they're finding the strength to eat them.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 2, 2021
My 4yo talked me into buying a bag of cookies at the store then kept holding it up to other customers like it was a belt he’d won in some sort of prizefight and now that I think about it that’s exactly what it is
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) December 2, 2020
2yo, pretend cook: Can you pass the cupcakes?
— Kwame Mbalia (@KSekouM) May 2, 2017
Me: *sees no cupcakes and hands a sock*
2yo: NO, cupcakes! *stomps to grab a burpcloth*
Me: pic.twitter.com/tpxTPBt2jN
Kid tried to sneak candy but it was a wax candle lol
— josie duffy rice (@jduffyrice) November 21, 2020
i pay for netflix, hulu, and disney plus and all these damn kids want to watch is cupcake decorating videos on youtube
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 28, 2021
Guys, I just ate a whole cupcake literally ten feet away from my toddler and he never noticed.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) December 17, 2018
I think I'm officially Batman now.
[dinner time]
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 30, 2018
Kids: *eating a pop tart* What’s for dessert?
Me: Did you miss me while you were at Grandma’s house?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 5, 2018
6-year-old: She let us make cookies.
Me: I missed you.
6: We ate them for breakfast.
So that’s a no.
Me: *wraps gifts, makes breakfast, puts toys together, plays for hours, makes dinner, and makes dessert.*
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) December 26, 2020
My kid: Mommy since you only made one dessert can you make macarons?
SON: [opens Ring Pop]
— Val (@ValeeGrrl) July 10, 2017
ME: dude. It's 9 am. No candy for breakfast
SON: i already ate breakfast tho
ME:
SON:
ME: carry on
My son: I'm still hungry!
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) November 19, 2016
Me: You can have some cheese.
Him: I think you meant to say candy.
Me: Well played, son, well played.
Toddler: *tantrum*
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) February 28, 2020
Husband: *gives her chocolate*
Me: How did you know?
Husband:
[later]
Me: What the fuck I am so done with today I feel like shit I hate the kids...
Husband: *gives me chocolate*
Me: Oh
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