'Saturday Night Live' Spoofs Mousy 'Merrick Garland' As Whip-Crackin' Lawman

Mikey Day's Garland chillingly announces at a faux press conference: "I am the law."

Attorney General Merrick Garland (Mikey Day) was jabbed hard on the cold open of “Saturday Night Live” as a squeaky-voiced, mousy lawman who is well aware he looks and acts like he was “born in a library.”

Nevertheless, he announces chillingly at a faux press conference: “I am the law.”

“Garland” introduced a lineup of FBI agents who had returned with reports after descending on the homes of Mike Pence, Vice President Kamala Harris and even Barack Obama in a hunt for classified documents.

Pence, who desperately “needed a friend,” welcomed the officers and offered to make them pancakes, reported “special agent” Kenan Thompson. But when they uncovered his magazine clippings of country star Shania Twain, he confessed: “I’m sorry, I’m disgusting.”

A fanboy agent played by Bowen Yang had the best time at Obama’s home, where the former president blithely ignored a call from Beyoncé and explained that he’s “out of the government game and doing the Hollywood thing.”

“I don’t mean to brag, but I was in Barack Obama’s house!” said Yang. “It was really fun.”

He “opened the door and said, ‘Are you selling Girl Scout cookies?’ which had us all totally cracking up and, like, completely dead,” beamed Yang.

The sketch ended with a nod to the horror of the fatal beating by police of 29-year-old Tyre Nichols during a traffic stop in Memphis, Tennessee. Appalling body camera footage of the attack was released by the city on Friday.

“Hey boss, when we done playing with these little papers, we gonna head down to Memphis and make sure justice is served down there too, right?” asked Thompson.

Day responded: “I sincerely hope so.”

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