Self-checkout has changed the in-store shopping game. For some, it’s a helpful convenience that reduces the need to interact with people and allows for petty theft (joking!). For others, it’s a confusing, misfunctioning bother that takes jobs away from actual humans.
However you feel about it, you’re likely to find folks on Twitter who agree with you. We’ve rounded up 40 funny tweets about the self-checkout experience.
Using self-checkout lane so I don't have to interact with anyone.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 25, 2018
Scans first item.
Register: ... "Please wait for assistance."
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a self-checkout, screaming that there's no unexpected item in the bagging area.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 20, 2020
I always keep my cool when using self-checkout machines because I want them to vouch for me as an ally during the robot uprising
— Ashes to ashes (an spooky female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) June 20, 2017
me:
— queen quen (@quenblackwell) July 13, 2019
target self checkout cameras: you are ugly. you are nothing. you are the scum at the earth. look at you LMAOOOO. EYE SPY A BUM.
you can tell how much someone hates people by how skilled they are at the self-checkout
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 8, 2013
at target self checkout & a rambunctious child stuck his butt on my bagging area & the register was like "unexpected item in bag" !!!!
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) March 22, 2017
All I want to do before I die is make it through the self-checkout one time without needing an employee to turn a key.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 3, 2016
sure. we had self checkout back in my day. it was called shoplifting
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) December 15, 2017
Day 1087 without sex: Purposely messed up my self-checkout at the grocery store just to hear a voice telling me what to do
— Vision Booooooored👻 (@VisionBored1) January 8, 2020
Grocery store self-checkout may put people out of work, but at least it's also awful & annoying for customers.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) May 9, 2019
they gotta turn down the volume on those self checkout machines in the grocery store. they be just screaming at me and making me nervous. give me fucking two seconds to put it in the bagging area please god damnit
— spooky blm donny (@_donnydrama) December 31, 2017
The cutest chick rang me up at the self-checkout today!
— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) January 2, 2015
But if I use the self checkout who will see all of the pretentious food I bought?
— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) February 7, 2017
This Target cashier seems frustrated that I need help with the self checkout like I am an actual employee.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 18, 2020
The target self checkout camera makes you look ugly as fuck so you lose self esteem and don’t steal
— cayne (@c0mic_sans) October 24, 2018
I decided to use the self-checkout and a lady asked me to scan her stuff, so I did. Then another lady asked me, anyway long story short I'm still checking people out and apparently I work here now. I hope I get a break soon because I'm hungry.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 8, 2019
self checkout?! gotta check items out myself?!! self checkout what's next??! what's next do i get a job?!! do i get a job and support myself
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) January 29, 2015
[Self-checkout]
— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) January 19, 2018
“Unexpected item in the bagging area”
Me: NO THERE IS N-
*notices that toddler has climbed up and is trying to bag herself*
OH, MY BAD
My daughter just learned how to scan items at the grocery store self-checkout, so a trip for bread & milk is now 45 minutes and 137 scan attempts long.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 21, 2018
Scanning the PS5 as a bell pepper at self-checkout>>>
— T O R ï (@returnofthetori) September 16, 2020
I am not brave enough to scam at self checkout. I don't have it in me. pic.twitter.com/vSSWlUuzkV
— bri (@bigshitxtalker) September 3, 2017
A little boy changed his mom's grocery self-checkout's language to Spanish. She did not find it amusing. I did. #iheartboys
— Emily Volman (@emilyvolman) February 3, 2011
Sorry I sang "The Heat Is On" while you were using the self-checkout at Target.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 15, 2018
Not bragging but I go thru the self checkout like it's an Olympic competition
— Envy (@envydatropic) September 7, 2015
At least the self-checkout doesn’t ask me what I’m making for dinner with these items or when I’m going to call my mother.
— Just J (@junejuly12) October 13, 2019
Is it possible for the self-checkout machine to judge you?
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) September 17, 2012
If you want to know how much of a maverick I am, when the CVS self checkout says, "Please remember to take your receipt," I just turn and walk away. I just leave the receipt in the machine like it's nothing.
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) June 29, 2018
*uses self-checkout to save time*
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 15, 2015
*waits 30 minutes for assistance after register freezes*
[meeting god] sorry. you didn't scan every item at the self checkout. looks like it's downstairs for you, little lady
— beth, uprising enthusiast (@bourgeoisalien) November 25, 2019
me: but free labor is theft. i paid myself for working as a cashier on behalf of a bloodsucking corporation
god: lmao, you got me. welcome to heaven, sis
I’m always cool and confident until I’m paying for fruit at the self checkout.
— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) September 24, 2018
That camera at self checkout really humbles you
— Toks (@_Toks96) February 20, 2020
self-checkout lanes: because you hate people yet love doing someone else's job for nothing
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) September 22, 2012
With face recognition technology, grocery stores could save so much time by signaling the manager while I'm still in the self checkout line.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 8, 2016
I wish I could be like the self checkout machine and work when I feel like working.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 24, 2018
Self checkout should just be called "payment optional"
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) September 2, 2013
When you're in self checkout and your son is screaming "it didn't scan" pic.twitter.com/7GlxdqeoUr
— Lake effect tech Ep 3 this Wednesday (@I_Exude_Sarcasm) October 4, 2018
having a panic attack because I'm 28 and I still use the self checkout to buy tampons because I'm too embarrassed
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 28, 2013
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) December 16, 2011
self-checkout voice: remove item from bagging area
— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) September 13, 2016
me: ok
scv: stand up straight
me: ...ok
scv: the fuck are you wearing?
If you can't find the barcode on a product, maybe the self-checkout isn't for you. Don't be a hero.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 23, 2016
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