The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or less.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
can everyone mute is the new per my last email
— Ashley Fern (@disco_infern0) April 14, 2020
bet marie kondo is wishing she had more shit in her house right about now.
— pony starwars (@tigersgoroooar) April 15, 2020
leaving my bedroom and going to the living room mid-day pic.twitter.com/YODYqRGu8i
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) April 17, 2020
OK I just went onto the King Arthur flour website and had to click a "this site uses cookies" thing and reader, I laughed
— Taffy Brodesser-Akner (@taffyakner) April 16, 2020
friendship is just giving each other the same advice back and forth and no one taking it
— gaychel (@lameravioli) April 13, 2020
if i saw one dog give birth to 99 dalmations i would call the fucking police
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) April 12, 2020
Can someone fix bacon packaging this has gone on long enough
— Mary H.K. Choi (@choitotheworld) April 15, 2020
There are three moms who briskly power walk at 8 AM in a perfect, six-foot distanced triangle like a formation of WWII bombers, and they are this neighborhood's first line of defense.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 15, 2020
Well, millennials finally stopped going out for avocado toast. Can everybody afford a house now?
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) April 12, 2020
Watching Trolls 2 while having a daytime margarita is something I would’ve been doing regardless of Covid.
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) April 13, 2020
Hey sharks
— Karli Marulli (@VeryFineHat) April 13, 2020
I won’t take up too much of your time, my idea is baby carrots that aren’t soaking wet
Brought to tears thinking about this one time my friend and I were coincidentally in the same area so we grabbed a drink in a bar together
— Rachel Sennott (@Rachel_Sennott) April 13, 2020
Please someone stop me from buying a mini trampoline, which seems like a great idea right now for some reason
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) April 15, 2020
INTERVIEWER: ... Why should we hire you?
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) April 12, 2020
ME: I bring something different to the table
INTERVIEWER: Oh? What’s that?
ME: [sets down my pet raccoon]
INTERVIEWER:
ME:
RACCOON:
INTERVIEWER: Can you start today?
RACCOON: No
I don’t know who needs to hear this right now but I recently found out the long hair on the back of dogs’ legs is called pants and I haven’t stopped thinking about it.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) April 15, 2020
the biggest downfall of these “which quarantine house” posts is that I do not care WHO is in them I want to know WHICH have POOLS
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 14, 2020
When girls with small breasts don't put on a bra they're like "Hee hee! I'm so lazy" but when I do it they're like SLOPPY LUNATIC INJURES DOZENS IN SUPERMARKET
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) April 15, 2020
Fuck it. We should all get race car beds.
— Brunette Bohemian (@RaeOfLite) April 16, 2020
Work from home log: blasted 'Before He Cheats' a little too loudly, prompting my roommate to text and check if I was OK
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) April 15, 2020
current mental status: attic wife in a Brontë novel
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) April 13, 2020
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