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Giving a Mother’s Day gift has never been easier this year: Just get fully vaccinated so you can hang out with her without social distancing.
But while that’s a valuable gift that will surely be appreciated, you may want to give the woman who gave you life something ... different.
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And that’s what we’re here for. HuffPost Weird News has once again compiled a guide to the year’s weirdest Mother’s Day gifts that will please every kind of weird mom.
If your weird mom wants alcoholic whipped cream, a champagne bottle bong or earrings shaped like mini rolls of toilet paper, we’ve got her covered.
Toilet Paper Earrings
Your mom will be flushed with excitement when she gets these earrings shaped like rolls of toilet paper. "These would have been handy during the early part of the pandemic," she will say. You will laugh.
Apologetic Mother's Day Cookie
Want your mom to know you really understand the sacrifice she made to make you the person you are today? This rather blunt cookie will make sure she gets the message loud and clear.
Spicy Cicada Seasoning
Cicada season is upon us and that means that at least some moms are going to cook up some of the 17-year-old insects for a snack. You can ensure things stay within the bounds of good taste with this spicy cicada seasoning.
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The "Hapbee"
Chances are, your mom sometimes needs help relaxing or improving her mood without, we stress, chemical aids. For those times, there is the "hapbee," a device that sends electromagnetic waves to mom's noggin to help calm her down or improve her attitude. If she balks about wearing the darn thing, just tell her it's a modern-day angel halo.
Golden Girls Porno Coloring Book
Does mom need a hobby to keep her occupied in between "Golden Girls" reruns? Well, this coloring book that features Blanche, Dorothy, Sophia and Rose in various states of sexual congress will probably keep her ... occupied.
Champagne Bottle Bong
Your mom surely needs a new bong for Mother's Day (a sentence I honestly never expected to write, if I'm being candid), and this champagne bottle bong will put her in a bubbly mood.
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Frowny Face Doll
Sadly, your mom may not always be happy with you. But rather than lament that fact, turn that bug into a feature with a customized doll that shows her frowning. "I wanted the gift to properly reflect the way I think you view our relationship." Mom will appreciate the candor. She may not act like she does, but, deep down, yeah.
Bicycle Pizza Cutter
Sadly, most pizza cutters use the same dull design: a sharp wheel and a handle. Wouldn't life be better if you cut your pizza with a bicycle? Of course it would! And your mom will love this cheesy gift.
Alcoholic Whipped Cream
Making Mom her favorite dessert for Mother's Day? Kick it up a notch with booze-infused whipped cream. Imagine the things she'll say when she's tipsy: "You're my favorite child. I know you just think I'm just saying this 'cause I'm drunk, but it's true."
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Temporary Tooth Gems
I bet you every mom has secretly wished she could put a temporary piece of costume jewelry on her choppers. If there is a mom who hasn't secretly wished she could put a temporary piece of costume jewelry on her choppers, I don't want to hear about it. Seriously. Not interested.
Baseball Bat Mug
Even if your mom isn't a baseball fan, she will go batty for these mugs made out of actual bats.
Piranha Plant Lamp
Does your mom lack both a green thumb and an affinity for video games? That's no reason not to get her this Piranha Plant lamp inspired by Super Mario Brothers. You can come up with other reasons on your own time.
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Vladimir Pootin Toilet Spray
Does your mom like to dictate the odors of her bathroom? Vladimir Pootin is on the case (and, as you can see, on the bottle as well).
The Wadfree
For too long, your mom has suffered the silent indignity that comes from too many sheets, blankets and towels getting all soggily wadded up in the wash. The Wadfree eliminates that problem, allowing her to focus on something more important: getting you to stop bringing her your laundry. Small victories, indeed.
Scream Pillow
Fact is, there are some things you've done that make your mom scream. The least you can do is acknowledge your annoyingness by giving her a pillow she can scream in so the neighbors don't hear.
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Uterus Button Hook
If Valentine's is all about hearts and flowers, maybe Mother's Day is about uteruses and buttonhook jewelry?
Personal Air Purifier
Does your mom have a sensitive nose? Do allergies and pet dander send her into a huge sneezing session? A portable air purifier may be the thing to help her — and you — breathe easier.
Lawn Legs
Every mom needs a bizarre obsession that is inexplicable to the people around her. Certainly, putting painted mannequin legs around the garden might qualify. You don't have to thank us.
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High Performance Pet Massager
This portable pet massager won't rub mom the wrong way, but let her know to start with the lowest amount of vibration so she doesn't freak out Fido.
Women Don't Poop
Just film Mom's reaction when she first sees the title of the book. That's all I ask.
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