Funniest Tweets From Women

"no thoughts november. i will not be doing any more thinking"
"Moms be like, 'Your cousin’s neighbor’s husband’s aunt died. Just thought you should know.'"
"The adult version of 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' is 'wallet, glasses, keys and phone.'"
"call me humpty dumpty the way I am having a great fall"
"(Flirting) if i was murdered would u solve my case?"
“'you already told that story' oh so you hate recycling"
"need to eat a cosmic brownie rn i want to feel like i’m eating radioactive plastic"
"the VMAs are funny when you realize they’re all these celebrities are crammed inside Newark, NJ"
"Life with astigmatism is more romantic because every light is a twinkle light."