Funny Tweets

"Live with a beginner violin student so your house constantly sounds like a horror film."
"My cat must think I’m so dumb considering how often I sing to him about the fact that he is a cat."
"In England 'booster shot' is spelled 'borchestershire shot'"
"Playing board games with your kids and deliberately trying to lose so it ends quicker is a parenting art form"
"Never trust anyone who doesn’t think their dog is the best dog."
"Excuse me while I overthink this and get back to you."
"i love when my cat purrs for no reason. she’s just happy to be here."
"Dining out with kids is a great way to practice talking in angry whispers"