Christmas is a weird time of year.
And that’s a good thing.
After 11 months of conforming, the holiday season allows us to cut loose with ugly sweaters, songs about animals saving the holiday and Hallmark movies featuring people who never buy greeting cards.
You’re doing all these weird things anyway, so add some weird shopping to your activities.
HuffPost, as always this time of year, is helping out with our annual guide to this holiday season’s most bizarre gifts, such as musical toilet paper, cheese carved into the shape of a cellphone and even bacon-scented wrapping paper.
One look at our guide and you’ll be dreaming of a weird Christmas, just like the ones we used to know.
HuffPost may receive a share from purchases made via links on this page. Every item is independently selected by the HuffPost Weird News team.
Musical Toilet Paper Rolls
Although wrapping paper usually gets the focus on Christmas day, toilet paper is both No. 1 and No. 2 on every other day. A person can always use more TP — especially when it comes in a musical box.
Bacon-Scented Wrapping Paper
Some people really love the smell of bacon. But frankly, giving uncooked bacon as a gift is impractical — and slimy. Avoid the mess by giving wrapping paper scented just like cured pork belly. MMMMMMMM.
Toilet Snake
Hosting people for the holidays can be fun, but not when they insist on using bathrooms other than the one designated for company. Luckily, the toilet snake is on the case to encourage your guests to follow directions.
Advertisement
Fine Art Version Of Woman Yelling At Cat
Art is in the eye of the beholder, but even the pickiest art lover will purr for this fine art rendition of the popular meme.
Personalized Gift Wrapping
What do you give a narcissist with a sense of humor? Themselves.
Bernie Sanders And His Mittens Tree Ornament
The democratic socialist in your life will surely get a kick out of this Christmas ornament featuring Sen. Bernie Sanders in his meme-worthy mittens.
Advertisement
Combination Coozie-Fishing Pole
Want to fish while still keeping your drinks cold? Don't we all! Thanks to the ChillNReel, it's possible. It's basically a coozie that includes a small reel with fishing line so you can fish anywhere there is water and a canned beverage.
Light-Up Peeing Santa Sweater
Like everyone else, Santa has to answer nature's call. Unlike everyone else, his bathroom break gets memoralized in an ugly sweater. Gotta love the holidays.
Poop Soap On Rope
When it comes to getting clean, nothing beats the experience of bathing with a piece of soap designed to look like a dookie. Science marches on.
Advertisement
Sexy Elf On The Shelf Costume
The Elf on the Shelf is supposed to stay on the fireplace mantle. But don't be surprised if this one ends up in a part of the house that's a little more ... private.
Ugly Christmas Sweater Coozie
Ugly Christmas sweaters are supposed to keep you warm, but these are meant to keep drinks cold. Dealing with that contradiction is a fun activity when you're slightly buzzed.
The Tubble
Baths are one of life's pleasures. But outside of ads for erectile dysfunction products and hot tubs, you rarely see them in the great outdoors. The Tubble makes it possible to bathe in pretty much any environment — even in an actual bathroom.
Advertisement
Cheese Carving Of Cellphone
"Oh, you got me a phone! How sweet!"
"Actually, this is one is more savory. It's made from cheese."
"So I can't actually make calls with it."
"No, it's cheese."
"I can't scroll Instagram?"
"No, it's cheese."
"I can't take selfies with it."
"Well, it doesn't take photos, but you could use another camera to take a photo with it."
"What am I supposed to do with a cheese phone?"
"Eat it?"
"You're weird."
"Actually, this is one is more savory. It's made from cheese."
"So I can't actually make calls with it."
"No, it's cheese."
"I can't scroll Instagram?"
"No, it's cheese."
"I can't take selfies with it."
"Well, it doesn't take photos, but you could use another camera to take a photo with it."
"What am I supposed to do with a cheese phone?"
"Eat it?"
"You're weird."
Sex Toy That Doubles As A Safe
Autoblow.com
Imagine this scenario: Your house is getting broken into, but the thieves don't take anything valuable because the loot is locked in a lubed-up sex toy that doubles as a safe.
OK, we couldn't imagine it either.
OK, we couldn't imagine it either.
Dog Goggles
Does your dog need goggles?
Maybe not. But your social media needs a photo of you trying to make Fido wear them.
Maybe not. But your social media needs a photo of you trying to make Fido wear them.
Advertisement
Sexy Grinch Costume
This sexy Grinch costume won't stop Christmas — or anything else — from coming. And it may make your heart grow three sizes.
Deer Pong Game
Is beer pong getting a little boring? Try this perfect Christmas variation: Deer pong!
Advertisement
Toothbrush That Gets All The Teeth At Once
Brushing your teeth can be a real chore for lazy people. You have to move the brush up and down and side to side until every tooth is clean. Ugh. The SymplBrush simplifies the job. Just put the thing in your mouth and let it brush your uppers or lowers all at once. Thank you technology.
Sniff Relief Mask
"So how congested are you, anyway?"
"Enough that I'm willing to wear a modified Lone Ranger mask for relief."
"That's congested."
"Enough that I'm willing to wear a modified Lone Ranger mask for relief."
"That's congested."
Flamingo Beverage Tub
Flamingos can stand one leg. But when they are holding drinks for you, it's best if they use both.
Advertisement
True Crime Ugly Christmas Sweater
This murder-themed ugly Christmas sweater will keep true crime buffs warm while they are getting up to speed about their favorite cold cases.
Christmas Tree Cat Cape
This Christmas tree cat cape could make a lovely photo — if you can get your cat to wear it. We tried. God knows, we tried.
Johnny Rotten Jigsaw Puzzle
How will people react when you give them a puzzle of Sex Pistols singer Johnny Rotten for Christmas? Probably very puzzled.
Advertisement
Birthday Candles That Double As Joints
Do birthday candles fail to light a fire with you? What if they could be filled with pot and turned into joints? That's the beauty of — wait for it — the Birthjay.
Eye Massager
"Whatcha doing?"
"Massaging my eyes."
"How's it feel."
"Well, it's not something I saw myself ever doing before getting this great gift."
"Massaging my eyes."
"How's it feel."
"Well, it's not something I saw myself ever doing before getting this great gift."
Hulk Hogan Slippers
Give these slippers to a Hulk Hogan fan and they will wrestle with a big problem: These glorious pieces of footwear aren't appropriate with every holiday ensemble. Sad.
Advertisement
Reindeer Hat For Pets
"If you love me so much, why do you want to make me look like some other animal?"
Pillow Cube
Anyone who prefers sleeping on their side knows they have to do a lot of fluffing to get the darned pillow aligned with their neck. Not so with the Pillow Cube. For once, being square is a good thing.
Jay And Silent Bob Jesus Sweater
Hey, it's the big J.C.'s birthday! Shouldn't your ugly Christmas sweater reflect that? Damn skippy!
Advertisement
Jaws Ugly Christmas Sweater
Want to make a big splash at the Christmas party? Nothing like a sweater of a classic popcorn flick. God bless us everyone.
Advertisement
Smell-Proof Bags
One big problem people often have during the holidays is dealing with the smell of herbs. Yes, oregano, thyme, rosemary wafting through the house can make some people very interested in any plant material being burnt. You can avoid raising a big stink with these smell-proof bags.
Shower Specs
Need to read that shampoo bottle to make sure you're not allergic to the ingredients? It used to be you the shower steam would fog up reading glasses. The ShowerSpecs end a problem that no one knew existed. Yay!
Meowy Christmas Prank Gift Card
Sure, this looks like your typical Christmas card, but it's actually more fiendish. Once the recipient opens the envelope, they hear "Meow! Meow! Meow!" for hours unless the card is destroyed. Not to mention the glitter that will fall into their lap. "Meowy Christmas" indeed.
Advertisement
Pop Rocks With Pot In Them
Want to leave a sweet gift in the stocking of an adult? How about Urb Rocks — they are like Pop Rocks, but with pot in them. The holidays have never been so mellow.
Sh!tShow Wines
You can buy a lot of great wines as Christmas gifts, but only those with the "Sh!tShow" name will truly reflect the way many people feel about the last two years.
Mobile Phone Pillow
Looking at your phone is a normal part of life, but holding onto the darned thing gets so tiring. What to do? Well, this mobile phone pillow will allow hands-free use of the phone so you can do other things — like snack?
Advertisement
Passin' Gas In Class Book
Is your family raising a stink about your incessant insistence on reading "'Twas the Night Before Christmas"? It might be a nice holiday tradition, but a book about the hazards of public flatulence may seem more contemporary to some of your loved ones.
12 Days Of IPAs Beer Set
You wanna celebrate the 12 days of Christmas with a bunch of swimming swans, leaping lords and milking maids? Be my guest. But I'm looking for a hoppier way to celebrate the holidays.
AC/DC Beer
Yes, the rock band AC/DC sang, "You Shook Me All Night Long." But if you try singing along with these AC/DC beers, you're liable to have a big frothy mess. Just saying.
Advertisement
Christmas Edibles
KanehEdibles.com/
Santa has a long night ahead of him and probably shouldn't eat cannabis edibles. However, don't be surprised if he takes some to enjoy on his annual post-Christmas vacation.
Canvas Tote With Secret Wine Spigot
A canvas tote is a great thing to carry around your stuff. When it also contains a secret wine spigot, it becomes essential.
Being Weird Book
This book's title sends a message we all need to hear occasionally. Merry Christmas from HuffPost Weird News!
Advertisement