I keep stumbling across the "kids at weddings" debate online, and I've seen some interesting opinions from parents, brides, and grooms. Currently, the "no kids" rule at weddings seems to be popular because of horror stories about misbehaving children ruining a couple's special day.
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Well, a 28-year-old bride and her fiancé recently implemented their own "no kids" rule at their upcoming wedding but were met with some serious backlash from their family members.
Here's the story in u/Dareal_Mistake's own words:
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"I, a 28-year-old female, am getting married in a few months, and my fiancé and I have been planning a child-free wedding. We both agreed that we want our wedding to be an adults-only affair. We made this very clear on our invitations! However, my sister-in-law (32) has four young children, and she's upset about our decision."
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"She called and pleaded for me to make an exception for her kids, saying that she couldn't leave them. I empathize, but I stood firm on our decision, explaining that we wanted a more formal setting without kids running around."
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"I suggested that she could enjoy a night off and assured her that we would help her find some childcare options. She got upset, accused me of being heartless, and said if her kids weren't welcomed, she wouldn't attend. My brother (her husband) called me to say that I was causing unnecessary drama and it was unfair to exclude her children. Now my family is divided. Some understand our wishes, while others think I'm being heartless about having a child-free wedding. So am I the asshole?"
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After reading through the post, the overwhelming majority of redditors felt that the bride was definitely NOT the asshole for sticking to her "no kids" rule:
"No, it’s your wedding. You're allowed not to have children there if you don’t want them."
—u/ShadoMonkey
—u/ShadoMonkey
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Agreeing, another user called out the bride's family members for being "petty":
"I don’t understand why they are upset! Why don’t they want to hire a sitter? To create so much drama, even to go so far as to get the entire family involved, is so petty and entitled that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around it! Are there other factors, such as a special needs child or maybe a matter of expense? Wow! Not the asshole!"
—u/Desertbroad
—u/Desertbroad
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However, one redditor pointed out that the sister-in-law and brother maintained the right NOT to attend the wedding altogether:
"Not the asshole, but not attending as a result of a child-free policy is also completely valid. They should have gracefully declined to attend without calling and begging you to change your mind. If this is your stance, then remain firm. Offering to assist with finding childcare was a nice gesture; now it’s time for everyone to accept the decision and move on."
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Another user agreed that the bride wasn't the asshole, but defended the sister-in-law's hurt feelings about the situation:
"First, yes, you’re not the asshole. Your wedding, your rules. Second, it was wrong of you to say she’d 'enjoy' a night off. It was great to offer to help secure childcare, but it may still not feel like a 'night off' for her. You aren’t saying how old the kids are (or if they’re also your brother’s — the wording is weird). She could be pumping, breastfeeding, or introducing solids, or any number of things happening where it’s not a joy to be away from them and adds to her mental load. There’s a lot missing about maybe why she called you heartless. She’s entitled to her feelings as much as you’re entitled to a child-free wedding."
—u/starrylightway
—u/starrylightway
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One user shared their own wedding experience, which involved a family member showing up with children despite their explicit "no kids" rule:
"We had no kids at our wedding. My husband’s cousin showed up with her kids anyway because her sitter fell through. She had already turned down the very reliable sitter we offered to pay for, so we just turned her away at the door. I don’t feel bad about it to this day. I’m just glad my husband got to her before the wedding planner, TBH, because I think my wedding planner would have lost it."
—u/Ok-Donut3656
—u/Ok-Donut3656
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So, I really want to know what y'all think about all this. Personally, I see both sides. Have you ever experienced anything similar to this?