Cap'n Crunch Is A Liar And A Fraud

My whole life has just been shattered into a pile of stale cereal crumbs. Seriously, guys. Your design team had one job. You couldn't have at least gotten the old man's uniform right? Now, adults and children alike are lamenting the fact that the cheery Santa Claus in a blue Napoleon hat is really just a big, fat LIAR. Yes, my fellow Foodbeasts, the "Cap'n" is really just a "Commander" in disguise.