In our monthly series, GIVING UP, newsroom staffers deprive themselves of a beloved habit and track how it went. In February, Deputy Healthy Living Editor Lindsay Holmes, 27, gave up complaining.
What are you giving up? I attempted to give up complaining for the whole month of February. I tracked it all in a complaining diary and let’s just say it didn’t exactly go as well as I hoped.
What made you decide to give it up? As my friends and family will attest, I can be a little dramatic when it comes to inconvenient or irritating situations. So in an effort to lower my stress (which I’ve had a lot of this year already... oops, does this count as a complaint?) I decided to see what would happen if I cut out the moaning and groaning and opted for productive or positive statements instead.
How did your friends and family react? They were super supportive ― probably because, like I said, I have a tendency to exaggerate or be dramatic. They also weren’t afraid to call me out when I slipped up, too.
Did you do any research before you started? This experiment was actually something I’ve wanted to do ever since I read about Science of Us writer Melissa Dahl’s attempt to quit complaining in 2014. I reread the article before starting my project as a way to get some extra motivation.
Did you slip up? I did. Quite a bit. You don’t realize how often complaining is weaved into your vernacular until you’re tracking it. It was so automatic for me. It was really eye opening when I had to write down every instance, some of which were really, really stupid:
I think the biggest struggle was tracking how often I lamented about politics or current events, which are obviously very valid reasons to be upset. I wanted to separate my stress over the news cycle from the more mundane or minor instances, but a complaint is still a complaint. That was difficult because no matter how much of a grasp I got on my “habit,” it still felt as though I was ending each day with a complaint logged in my journal.
For anyone else who wants to try this experiment, that’s where I think being proactive can come in. There are simply just some issues you need to air grievances over ― but then you can make moves in order to feel better about them (like donating to a cause you care about or even just having a conversation with someone who disagrees with you).
When did you first feel deprived? Day one. I stayed up late the night before and was super tired the next morning. It was the first thing I talked about when I got to work, according to my diary. Whoops.
Any awkward social encounters? I wouldn’t say it was awkward as much as it was a challenge. Have you ever realized how much complaining helps people bond?
There were many times where my friends and I would go down the rabbit hole of venting about each other’s work and dating problems, especially over drinks. (Pro tip: This experiment is harder when pinot grigio is involved.) I had to actively try not to fall into the trap. Sometimes it worked, other times I couldn’t help myself.
Notice any changes to your mood? For sure. I tend to ruminate on problems, which can really mess with my mental health. I noticed that the less I complained about something, the sooner I felt better and moved away from the negative emotions the problem caused. Go figure, right?
Changes to your productivity? I can’t think of any specific incident but I assume as a whole I was probably more productive. When you’re not wasting your time complaining about the weather or your annoying upstairs neighbors, you free yourself up for better things.
Changes to your relationships? A little bit, perhaps. I’m sure mostly for the better. I’m a notorious venter and so I think, in theory, my lack of complaining yielded to more positive conversations and interactions with my best friends. They even offered some good advice:
What does an expert say about doing this? Is there any benefit? Research shows that griping about an issue actually makes you angrier. Studies also suggest that venting with a friend can lead to more stress for both you and the other person. In other words, complaining doesn’t help with the problem, it aggravates it. Who am I to argue with science?
Would you do it again? Yes. I can’t promise that I won’t be dramatic every so often about things (sometimes you really just need to vent about literally spilling milk, you know?). But I can say that I will be more aware in the future of trying to have a positive or productive outlook on life’s frustrations.
Ultimately, I learned a super valuable lesson: I may not be able to control what happens in life but I can control how I respond to it. And now I’m keeping that in mind more than ever. That alone made the whole experiment worth it.
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.