No one is better at filibustering than a child at bedtime.
It’s at that precise time that kids need to find the answer to a very obscure question or take inventory of all their stuffed animals. Naturally, they also must get a very large glass of water and use the potty numerous times — all in the name of pushing their bedtime later and later.
To find the humor in this nightly frustration, the funny moms and dads of Twitter frequently share their kids’ stall tactics of choice. We’ve rounded up 30 relatable tweets from parents about the many reasons why their children simply cannot go to bed just yet.
My 4yo will not fall asleep. She said it’s because she wonders what she looks like when she’s sleeping and it’s keeping her awake
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) February 5, 2021
kids:
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 16, 2020
kids:
kids:
kids:
me: it's bedtime
kids: ok hold on we have to build a house, write a book, perform surgery, travel for business, can you cut my nails and also [projectile vomitting]
me: MF!!!!
Me: Go to bed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 22, 2021
5-year-old: I have to do one thing first.
Me: What?
5: Stay awake forever.
4, in an attempt to avoid bedtime, has come up with an adorable new excuse. Tonight from the monitor I heard this, “Momma, I’m having a bed party and you’re invited, when are you coming?”
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) January 13, 2022
I don’t get why people think getting kids to bed is hard all my son needs is:
— TwinzerDad🌻🇺🇦 (@TwinzerDad) March 17, 2019
A drink of water
4 songs from Daddy
A trip to the potty
Superman flight to bed
An inventory of his stuffed animals
A tissue
2 more songs
Look at my watch for 45 seconds
And all of this 7 more times
I’ve seen my kids use many tactics to stall bedtime, but I have to admit, my son getting back out of bed to present me with the booger that he didn’t want in his nose was definitely a first.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 20, 2019
“I’m too tired” is my toddler’s latest excuse for not going to bed.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) November 29, 2020
Mommy, do you want to listen to me count from One Thousand to One Million by fives?
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) October 11, 2020
- tonight's bedtime stall tactic
me: it's bedtime now
— The Dad (@thedad) October 25, 2019
kid: please let me do just ONE thing
me: ok
kid: *starts watching one movie*
3-year-old: Why can’t we eat cars?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 6, 2014
Me: That’s not even a real question.
3: I really want to know!
She’ll ask anything to stall bed time.
My preschooler's new night time stall tactic is to wait till he's snugly tucked into bed and then ask we prepare him a bowl of soup.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) April 4, 2018
If you’re wondering just how hard kids will work to stall bedtime, tonight I had to pick out matching socks for a stuffed monkey and a stuffed unicorn, just in time for my 3-year-old to tell me all 482,927 reasons why dogs have tails.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) April 30, 2019
Me: Go to bed.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 18, 2022
7-year-old: I have a question.
Me: What?
7: How many fingers does a pterodactyl have?
Now neither one of us is going to be able to sleep until I look this up.
Zoe's excuse 4 pushing her regular bedtime 15 min later last night? "If I go to bed at 9:15 I'll get gas. If I go to bed at 9:30...I won't"
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) November 22, 2011
If you want to know how weak my 6yo's bedtime excuse game is getting, she came downstairs last night and told me she was nauseous while smiling.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 8, 2019
4 came walking out of the bedroom without permission after bedtime and when I looked at him he said, “What!? I’m just getting a carrot.”
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 11, 2021
I’ll give him credit, it is the most unique excuse I’ve heard.
Kids will make any excuse to put bedtime off. My 5 year old came out crying because he forgot to floss
— sabrina pinto (@sabrinacpinto) October 27, 2016
My 7yo came down after bedtime and said "Either my head or my belly hurts, I'm not sure which one," and I enjoy that she's introducing a Choose Your Own Excuse format so I can really customize my experience.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) December 8, 2020
Me: it's bedtime
— Doc McMuffins (@Cynical_Parent) November 1, 2021
4: why do I have to go to bed?
Me: it's important to your health
4: but we're all going to die
Me:
4: mom we just sleep until we die some day
I don’t think “you can’t be mad at me, I’m sleep walking!” Was as good of an excuse as my 9yo thought it was going to be when I caught her playing Fortnite in the living room an hour after bedtime.
— Heather 🏳️🌈🇺🇦✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽 (@dishs_up) May 13, 2021
7yo & 4yo have come up with the best excuse EVER to delay bedtime, "Momma, way down wight here & wet us massage you..." #evilgeniuses
— Robin O'Bryant (@robinobryant) September 5, 2013
"My arms can't get comfortable."
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 6, 2014
-tonight's bedtime stall tactic
My kid learned that saying he has to go poop is a guaranteed way to stall his bedtime, and now it’s his go-to tactic.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) July 18, 2019
I’ve never seen someone with so little shit so full of shit.
If you're afraid your kids can't think outside the box just say bedtime & watch with amazement all the things they come up with to stall.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 15, 2014
9 weeks ago one of our baby chicks died.
— Heather 🏳️🌈🇺🇦✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽 (@dishs_up) April 27, 2021
We had a chick funeral
4 has not mentioned the dead chick since.
Tonight, in a desperate attempt to stall bedtime 4 professed an undying sorrow for the loss of a chick we had for less than 24 hrs.
Kids are savage
My 4 year old earlier tonight said ‘please before I go to bed please let me tell you about what happened today’ before embarking on what can only be described as a epic rambling bedtime avoidance filibuster that he was never going to end if it kept him from bedtime 😂😂
— Scone of Destiny 🇺🇦 🏴 (@SconeOf) October 12, 2020
Tonight's bedtime stall tactics are brought to you by the question "who invented peanut butter?"
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) July 28, 2014
Me: It's bedtime
— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) July 24, 2013
4: Read one more book
Me: You're stalling
4: Whats stalling?
Me: When you try to not go to bed
4: Let's talk about stalling
No one has more shit on their to-do list than a kid who’s just been told it’s bedtime
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🖤 (@MacgyveringM22) October 1, 2019
Me: Whhhyyyyyy do the kids insist on stalling their bedtime by talking, acting out, or taking improvised poops? Don’t they know that they NEED to SLEEP???
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) August 9, 2019
Also me: *scrolls twitter until 1am every night*
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
It's Another Trump-Biden Showdown — And We Need Your Help
The Future Of Democracy Is At Stake
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
The 2024 election is heating up, and women's rights, health care, voting rights, and the very future of democracy are all at stake. Donald Trump will face Joe Biden in the most consequential vote of our time. And HuffPost will be there, covering every twist and turn. America's future hangs in the balance. Would you consider contributing to support our journalism and keep it free for all during this critical season?
HuffPost believes news should be accessible to everyone, regardless of their ability to pay for it. We rely on readers like you to help fund our work. Any contribution you can make — even as little as $2 — goes directly toward supporting the impactful journalism that we will continue to produce this year. Thank you for being part of our story.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
It's official: Donald Trump will face Joe Biden this fall in the presidential election. As we face the most consequential presidential election of our time, HuffPost is committed to bringing you up-to-date, accurate news about the 2024 race. While other outlets have retreated behind paywalls, you can trust our news will stay free.
But we can't do it without your help. Reader funding is one of the key ways we support our newsroom. Would you consider making a donation to help fund our news during this critical time? Your contributions are vital to supporting a free press.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our journalism free and accessible to all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you'll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
Before You Go
