So much of high school is focused on preparing students for college academically: taking certain classes, studying for the SATs or the ACTs, boosting their GPAs and so on. But many of the most essential skills they need to succeed post-high school aren’t ones they learn in a classroom.
We asked professors, psychologists, career counselors, therapists and parents of young adults what practical knowledge they believe kids should have before they head off to college. Here’s what they told us.
1. How to apologize well.
Genuine apologies are hard for anyone — let alone teenagers. But it’s a skill worth mastering. Being able to say sorry, take responsibility for your mistakes without a bunch of justifications or blaming someone else will help your kid go far in their personal and professional relationships.
“No one wants to hear excuses,” Jack Hedger, a dad with one kid in college and one applying to college, told HuffPost. “Just make sure you show up on time and get your work done. If you mess up, own it, apologize, and promise to do better. But don’t go on and on explaining what happened. Adults don’t want your excuses.”
2. How to do laundry.
Before heading to college, your kid should know how to wash, dry, fold and put away their own clothes, Becky Rapinchuk, the cleaning expert known as “Clean Mama,” told HuffPost. If you’ve been handling these tasks for them heretofore, this is your reminder to hand over the reins.
“A weekly trip to the dorm laundry room won’t be overwhelming if they know how to do their own laundry and can fold and put it away too,” Rapinchuk said.
They should also know how to clean their bedding and remember to do it on a regular-ish basis.
“This simple task takes a little instruction but will ensure that the sheets and comforter and quilt are washed at least a couple times before coming home for holiday break,” Rapinchuk said.
3. How to listen to their body.
Learning to tune into bodily cues will help your child be healthier, happier and better equipped to make good decisions.
Here’s how you can teach your kids to tap into these sensations and what to do with the information, according to Jennifer Pollitt, assistant director and assistant professor of gender, sexuality and women’s studies at Temple University.
“Track the physical sensations in your body and listen to what they’re telling you. Move towards the people, places and ideas that light you up and physically make your body feel good,” Pollitt said. ”Maybe your brain is buzzing with energy, or your chest feels open and warm.”
Tell your kids to pay close attention to any feelings of physical discomfort, too.
“Maybe your belly is in knots, or your shoulders are up in your ears, ask yourself why,” Pollitt said. “Why is this course material, this idea, this person, this place making my body react in this way? Give yourself permission to explore the pleasure and/or the discomfort in your body and use this information to help make decisions and to forge connections. Let your body be your guide.”
4. How to be assertive.
By the time they enter college, kids should be able to advocate for themselves and communicate effectively.
“College students should know how to speak up for themselves, how to speak their mind, share their thoughts, and express opinions,” Ann-Louise Lockhart, psychologist and parent coach at A New Day Pediatric Psychology, told HuffPost.
This skill may be lacking for kids who grew up hearing they should “do what they’re told” or were dismissed for having opinions that contradicted the beliefs of the adults in their lives.
“Then, all of a sudden, they have graduated high school, become adults, and are expected to do all the things they just spent their entire life suppressing,” Lockhart said.
“There needs to be a better balance in parenting and preparing kids in their journey toward adulthood. Instead, give your kids and teens opportunities to speak up for themselves, even if you feel horrified by what comes out of their mouths. If there is a better way to deliver the message, provide loving and honest feedback while guiding them along the way.”
Clinical psychologist Claire Nicogossian, an assistant professor at Brown University and author of “Mama, You Are Enough,” also emphasized that communication skills are key — particularly the ability to set boundaries, resolve conflict and “be direct without increasing distress or amplifying conflict.”
5. How to create — and maintain — a healthy routine.
Achieving balance in college is hard when so much of students’ time is often spent studying, working and partying. But teaching your kids how to also prioritize healthy habits like sleep, nutritious foods, movement and hobbies that bring them joy is an important life skill to adopt.
“As a young person, routines are often determined by parents or the types of activities that students engage in while attending school,” psychologist Earl Turner, executive director of Therapy for Black Kids, told HuffPost. “Sometimes schedules can be very demanding between school and extracurricular activities, which doesn’t create opportunities for a healthy balance.”
He often talks with his clients and mentees about how important it is to learn how to juggle competing priorities before entering the workforce.
“If you are always busy with work, spending too much time having fun, or socializing with your friends, it can be harder to create a life that is fulfilling and balanced,” Turner said. “This can lead to emotional burnout or getting stuck in life because you’re overworking yourself.”
6. Where the campus counseling center is — and how to ask for help.
The vast majority of college students and their parents or guardians know where the campus bookstore is, but fewer can locate the university’s counseling center, Nicogossian pointed out.
Starting college is a major transition. Living in a new place on their own, with new people and new challenges, can be taxing on young adults’ mental health. It’s crucial that they know where to find counseling services if they need them and how to make an appointment there. As a parent, having these conversations with your kid before they head off will help them be prepared and show that you are supportive of them getting professional help.
“Talk about mental health, depression, anxiety, substance abuse and let your child know you are there for them, they are not alone,” Nicogossian said. “Find the number and place on campus for college health center and counseling center. Most college and universities have mental health and emergency support for students in distress and can provide support for college related stressors: trauma, roommate issues, academic issues and concerns, navigating mental health crisis, and provide workshops, screenings for depression, anxiety as well as academic support.”
7. How to stay on top of important letters and emails.
Teach your kid to keep an eye out for official correspondence from the school, work or the government and actually take the time to read it — rather than ignore it, delete it or toss it in the trash.
“If they don’t have time to read it, [instruct them to] at least skim the whole thing so they know what it says,” Adrienne Hedger, cartoonist at Hedger Humor and mom of two, told HuffPost.
“In the ‘real world’ there will be deadlines and due dates that require their attention, and real penalties for not taking action. Sometimes they just get one notification and that’s it. Or sometimes the communication will be written in a confusing way and they’ll need time to figure out what they need to do.”
8. How to stick to a budget.
Nicogossian said she’s noticed a trend of young adults overspending because they don’t want to miss out on social events but aren’t able to communicate their spending limits to their peers.
“This can happen in many forms, like ordering out food for a variety of reasons. Even with a meal plan, students may not want to miss out, may not like the cafeteria food, or have late-night studying and cravings,” Nicogossian said.
“Or, going out and sharing Uber or Lyft rides, only one person orders, and peers may say they’ll Venmo or ‘catch them next time.’ All of these expenses can add up quickly and students can easily bypass budgets for the semester.”
That’s why it’s important to teach your kids how to manage their money and be able to say “no” when necessary.
“Have direct conversations with your child about these unexpected expenses and peer or roommate interactions with money and how to navigate with communicating limits and not feeling pressured to spend or lend at the cost of increasing distress or debt for your student,” Nicogossian said.
Another related skill college students should possess: the ability write a check and address an envelope.
“They might think they know, but make sure they know,” Hedger said.
9. Possible majors or careers of interest and their earning potential.
College can be a time of intellectual exploration and following one’s curiosity. At the same time, it’s worth encouraging your child to start thinking practically about their life post-graduation.
In light of the student loan debt crisis, former university career counselor Alexis Tai told HuffPost: “It is important for me to highlight the value of thinking about return on investment for potential career, college and major paths.”
Students don’t necessarily need to commit to a major before stepping foot on campus. But it is a good idea to at least “understand what is important to them, which includes their interests, values, and motivators,” Tai said. “Sites like California Career Zone offer free assessments.”
Once they’ve thought about that, your kid can then start considering what jobs might be a good fit for them down the road. It’s OK if they change their mind, of course, but “they should have a solid idea of what their potential career paths are and what they can expect their return on investment to be when they graduate,” Tai said, noting that sites like the Occupational Outlook Handbook can be helpful.
10. How to clean a bathroom.
Maybe they don’t need to know how to clean a toilet if they’re living in the dorms freshman year, but “knowing how to clean a bathroom is a skill every child needs to learn,” Rapinchuk said.
“Teach a simple method that can be repeated weekly and practiced in your home in the months or years leading up to college life,” she said.
11. How essential it is to find true friends — and connect with people from all walks of life.
Once kids leave the nest, they’re going to need people who “look out for them like a second family,” Caragh Donley — a writer and producer with two adult children — told HuffPost.
“They’ll be the ones who stick with you long after college ends, so choose wisely,” she said.
Donley categorizes friends into three categories, based on how they’d respond if you fell off a boat and into the ocean.
“The first type jumps right in the water to save you. The second type would look for a life preserver to throw to you. And the third? They’ll try to sign you up for swimming lessons. Take your time until some number ones show up,” she said. “They’re worth waiting for.”
Encourage your kids to get to know people different than themselves — it can make their life that much richer.
“Whether it’s religion, sexuality, gender or even your favorite breakfast cereal, experiencing new ideas and those who espouse them will allow you to enjoy life rather than endure it,” Donley said. “Plus, every person you get to know living in a way that’s different from yours means your world just got bigger.”