Turns out it's entirely possible to make a mildly fried egg using just a curling iron, as Cosmopolitan recently demonstrated in this video. Arguably, this means I can make breakfast while standing around in the bathroom. That isn't something I've ever wished I could do before, but it's nice to know that the option is there.
But first: I want to be clear that nothing trumps a pan and stove for cooking eggs. Or for cooking most ingredients. If I could make a four-dimensional pop-up screen that says "completely unnecessary, totally cool," I would. Call me old-fashioned, but let's acknowledge at least some kind of boundary.
Though I had my doubts when I started watching the five-minute video, the test subject showed confidence. "I feel like it's going to work, because it's hot AF," she says. Confirmed: 1) Don't confuse your fingers for egg, and 2) it works.
Despite having naturally curly hair, I do own a curling iron. But since I don't wash my hair all that often, it's probably gross. So I got a new one for this experiment. I was a bit worried about getting electrocuted--but I once got shocked by a broken half-strand of Christmas lights, and it wasn't the worst thing. So I persevered. You do want the iron to be extremely hot (the video has it at 380 degrees), so plug it in while you prep the rest of your ingredients (basically, an egg).
Start by cracking an egg into a bowl and whisking it with a fork, like you would if you were using a stove and not a magic hair tool. Pour oil onto the hot wand so the eggs don't stick, then just dip it into the bowl of eggs and twirl. It's like a reverse immersion blender, taking something liquid and turning it into a solid. The eggs will immediately start to sizzle, so once you have the wand coated with a layer, let it sit while the first side cooks (like you were setting a lock of hair).
The tough part comes when it's time to "flip" it--do not do as the Cosmo girl does (i.e., use a plastic fork to get the eggs off, which caused some melting). It's going to get a little weird here, because you can't use a spatula. But you're breaking all kinds of conventions in the first place, so use your fingers if you need to. After a short flip on the iron, the second side cooks through and is ready to be eaten.
Again, it's 100 percent easier to use a pan. Maybe 200 percent. But show some frivolity, won't you?