Love. It’s not always shiny and new and it isn’t always soft like an easy chair, is it?
Love is ... strange, and so are a lot of lovers. So if it’s really the thought that counts, why not give your love something weird for Valentine’s Day?
HuffPost Weird News has scoured the world looking for truly bizarre gifts that are sure to take any relationship to the next level. However, we are not specifying if the next level will be higher or lower than your current level ― that’s up to you.
Trust us: Nothing says Valentine’s Day romance like getting a remote-controlled bidet or a lifesize silicone replica of porn star Korina Kova.
(Editor’s note: There’s no actual research that backs up the claims in the previous sentence.)
You Rock Candle
Does your valentine rock your world and spark a flame in your heart? You can non-verbally show that no one holds a candle to them with this candle that says "You rock!" It's the perfect gift for the headbanger in your life.
Selfie Toaster
Want your valentine to know you're the best thing since sliced bread? Make it literal with this toaster that will burn your smiling face onto every piece of toast they eat for the rest of their lives.
Eggplant Vibrator
Surely an eggplant vibrator will be a fruitful addition to any sex toy collection (even though they are actually vegetables).
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Korina Kova Real Love Sex Doll
Yes, a lifesize replica of porn actor Korina Kova isn't everyone's ideal Valentine's Day gift, but if someone is willing to spend $3,500 on one for you, they obviously love you very much.
Bloodshot Eyeball Backpack
Is there anything more romantic than a backpack designed to look like a bloodshot eyeball? Please don't answer that.
Wine Is My Valentine Sleep Shirt
What do you get an alcoholic valentine besides alcohol? Well, you could get this classy-looking sleep shirt that will let your love know you are well aware you come second in their life after booze.
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Thong With Your Face Printed On It
"This is your conscience speaking. Deep deep down in your heart, you know your valentine really wants to wear a skimpy thong with your face plastered all over it. Seriously. Who wouldn't?"
Cannabis Wine
This year, a lot of people are trying to sell "cannabis wine" (which actually tastes more like pink lemonade than vino). It won't hit as immediately as a glass of, say, Chablis, but give it 30 minutes and you should definitely be feeling in the pink.
Meditating Pink Flamingos
It's no stretch to imagine what your valentine will say when they get one of these pink meditating yoga flamingos: "Namaste."
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Remote-Controlled Bidet
Want to make a big splash on Valentine's Day? This remote-controlled bidet will do just that and, in the process, wash away all the previous times you stained the relationship.
Giant Champagne Cork Table
Your valentine won't "wine" about getting a giant champagne cork table. Because now when they tell you to "put a cork in it," you'll know exactly which one they mean.
After Sex Towel
When you love someone, you want to make their life easier. In that spirit, what fits the bill more than a towel designed to be used after sex?
"Need a towel, honey?"
"Yes, make sure it's the one that specifically says 'After Sex Towel.'"
"There's a difference?"
"Yes, other towels don't specifically say, 'After Sex Towel' -- it's logic!"
"Thank you for the clarity."
"Need a towel, honey?"
"Yes, make sure it's the one that specifically says 'After Sex Towel.'"
"There's a difference?"
"Yes, other towels don't specifically say, 'After Sex Towel' -- it's logic!"
"Thank you for the clarity."
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THC-Infused Sriracha
Variety isn't the spice of life ― sriracha is! Especially when it's infused with THC, the psychoactive substance in cannabis. As a result, this very spicy condiment could heat things up in the bedroom.
Rainbow Caticorn Statue
Cupid is the official mascot of Valentine's Day, but somewhere, maybe a parallel universe, the true spirit of the holiday is represented by the caticorn, a strange hybrid of the mythical unicorn and a snippy house cat.
Operation Boxer Briefs
These boxer briefs patterned after the popular board game Operation will make any valentine game to play doctor. Expect lots of funny bone jokes.
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Pink Portable Bong
Because pink and green are such a perfect match, this electronic bong may be the perfect V-Day gift for stoner valentines.
Sexy Fanny Pack
Wow, if you didn't think it was possible to make fanny packs sexier than they already aren't, then take a look at this: a fanny pack made to look like a pair of skimpy jean shorts. Your valentine will be ... pick any word other than "impressed."
Cordless Vacuum
Some valentines may want the house sprinkled with rose petals. Others will just get frustrated when they see the mess. For those less-romantic souls, there is the Omni Power cordless vacuum. Give it to your valentine in advance ― so they have plenty of time to use it.
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Cracker Pillow
Sure, you could give your valentine chocolates, but those will be gone by week's end. No, a cracker pillow is always a better option because it sends the message: "Hi, I know you sometimes eat snacks." Your valentine will surely think, "Wow, this person really knows me."
Pink Lips Banks
You don't have to break the bank for Valentine's Day, but you can certainly give one. This pink lips bank will send the message that you're not only aware of their financial problems but also know that pink is a popular color around Feb. 14.
Chocolate Wine
Chocolate and wine are big sellers for V-Day, but isn't it more efficient when they're combined? (The correct answer is "yes.")
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Cannabis Chocolate
Cannabis and chocolate go together like ... cannabis and chocolate? Still, your valentine will be buzzing with excitement when they learn your candy has some sweet aftereffects.
Kiss Me Mesh Thong
I really don't need to write anything here. You just looked at the photo of the Kiss Me mesh thong and either decided to buy it or not. Our work is done.
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