Warning: Dakota Johnson's Cover Shoot May Induce Quarantine Bangs

On a normal day, Dakota Johnson incites high levels of bang envy. Hers are a special breed ― they’re the perfect length, thickness and placement. Somehow both youthful and sexy, effortlessly chic, of another time and also right now. They’re the kind of bangs you bring photos of to the salon, where your stylist is inevitably then forced to manage expectations.

As writer Rachel Syme put it, “the bangs every woman thinks she’s getting when she thinks ‘maybe I should get bangs.’”

But to see them looking the way they look while we’re all in lockdown, left to our own devices and bereft of a stylist’s chair and better judgment?

It’s an attack, is what it is.

Johnson and her bangs are the cover stars of Marie Claire’s summer 2020 issue, out this month. In the related article, she wears a series of very good blouses and talks about her upcoming film, “The High Note,” which she stars in alongside Tracee Ellis Ross. 

And that’s what we behoove you to focus on. Not the bangs. The very, very, very good bangs. Put the scissors down. Walk away. 

Or, you know, don’t. Do what you want. Life is short! We deserve Dakota Johnson bangs!

See? They’re powerful. And we can’t be trusted.