Every household has its own pecking order. And let’s be honest: Sometimes it’s our canine companion — not our significant other — who’s actually the top dog.
If you’re a dog parent who spares no expense when it comes to your pooch’s lifestyle, consider them your confidant and No. 1 cuddle buddy (sorry, hubby!), lavish them with praise and nonstop belly rubs, then you’ll no doubt relate to the sentiments below.
Check out 32 hilariously honest tweets from couples who treat their dogs better than they treat each other.
Whenever my husband shows me affection and my dogs get jealous, I have to tell them that they are my true loves and he means nothing to me.
— Stacey (@skittle624) November 3, 2018
I sneezed and my husband didn’t say a word.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 26, 2020
Fifteen minutes later the dog sneezed.
Husband FROM UPSTAIRS, “BLESS YOU!”
If you want to know how I rate in our household, my wife has one term of endearment for me and 74 for our dog.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) March 24, 2017
[middle of the night]
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 6, 2016
*wife rolls over*
me: I'm trying to sleep!
*dog sits on my head*
me: Hi puppy
My husband has already apologized more to the dog in 3 weeks than to me in 6 years
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) January 6, 2020
Husband: *gets in the shower*
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) December 18, 2019
Me: Honey! Come quick! Hurry!
Husband: *soaking wet* What is it? What’s wrong?
Me: Look what the dog is doing. Isn’t he the cutest?
My husband came home from being gone for 6 days, walked through the door & went straight to the dog.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 6, 2020
And that’s what it’s like to be married for 20 years.
I like to think my dog follows me to the bathroom so we can gossip about my wife in private.
— lucy bexley🌈 (@bexley_lucy) July 10, 2020
I will give my wife a back rub for 5 minutes before I get tired but I'll rub my dog's ears for hours until he ends it.
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 17, 2017
*Arriving home at the end of the day*
— sophielou (@sophielou) July 17, 2019
Me: Hi handsome
Husband: Hi
Me: Sorry I was talking to the dog
Another romantic evening with my husband except it's us watching TV while he cuddles with the dogs.
— EricaTriesToTweet (@EricaWhoToYou) July 3, 2017
Me: Don’t forget we’re wearing matching costumes for Halloween.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) October 7, 2019
Husband: Great! What should we be?
Me: I meant me and the dog.
Husband: Of course you did.
WIFE: He never pays any attention to me. All he cares about is that dog.
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) May 19, 2018
THERAPIST: is this true?
ME: [sewing swim trunks for the dog] is what true?
No one:
— Black Lives Matter Betty (@EzMacArt) February 28, 2020
My husband: I don't know what your Friday night plans are, but I'm drinking hard seltzer and watching Air Bud with the dogs.
*husband snoring*
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 5, 2020
Me: OMG YOU NEED TO GET YOUR OWN ROOM I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!
*my dog snoring louder than my husband*
Me: OMG You are so adorable!
My husband asked me to do something creative in the bedroom, so I positioned my three dogs in the shape of a heart and went to sleep.
— Stacey (@skittle624) April 23, 2018
My camera roll:
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) November 22, 2017
2% my wife
5% me and my wife
93% our dog
*gets home from PetSmart*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) December 11, 2016
me: Don't let the dog see the bag. I don't want her to know where we got her present
wife
me
wife
me: What?
My husband calls me Sugar and my dog's name is Sugar so when he says, "C'mere Sugar" there's an awkward stare down between me and the dog.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 24, 2017
Thank god for our dog. She's the only reason my wife lets me turn on the air conditioning.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) May 25, 2020
Me: Bye! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) March 2, 2018
Husband from another room: Bye! I LO-
Me: Oh, I wasn't talking to you *Goes back to enthusiastically hugging dog*
I knew getting a dog would bring my husband and I closer together but I was not prepared for the incredible new level of intimacy and sensitivity he’s displayed... toward the dog pic.twitter.com/uF8kUsojNS
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) April 9, 2020
wife: You're home early
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 3, 2016
me [hugging the dog] I had to see you
[wife returns from overnight work trip]
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) January 28, 2015
"Why's there 2 dirty wine glasses??"
[flashback to romantic dinner w/ dog]
...it was another woman
HUSBAND: I got the dog heart shaped cookies for Valentine’s Day.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2019
ME: *through a mouthful of cookies* The dog?
My dog decided she is a teddy bear, and I wake up to her and my husband like this every morning now. pic.twitter.com/Nopf7pbe1O
— Black Lives Matter Betty (@EzMacArt) November 7, 2019
I insisted on making my dog her own pancake and my wife is annoyed with me?? Just because I made us late for therapy?? Big picture, babe. pic.twitter.com/glTdEZxI8L
— lucy bexley🌈 (@bexley_lucy) July 12, 2020
I convinced my spouse we needed more “security” but mostly I wanted a video doorbell on our backdoor so I could watch live streams of our dogs all day.
— Betty (@BoomBoomBetty) October 16, 2019
When me or my wife video call each other it goes like this:
— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) August 28, 2017
"Hi, where's the dog?"
Husband: We need to stop spending so much money.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 9, 2020
Me: *fluffing the pillows on the dogs’ new paw patrol beds* not sure what you mean by that but okay.
Dog: *sneaks one of my chips*
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) August 6, 2019
Me: aw you sneaky goose 😍
Husband: *sneaks one of my chips*
Me: pic.twitter.com/cSM4YBLj5v
In an effort to keep our house clean before Christmas, I’ve asked my husband & kids to relocate.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 23, 2019
Dogs can stay. I’m not heartless.
Before You Go
