The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. And although the platform has rebranded to X, their humor lives on.
Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings. Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
I don’t really go for hot girl walks but I do go for gremlin walks where I leave the house looking like a train wreck and begrudgingly admit that the fresh air is helping me rediscover my will to live
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) February 19, 2024
Me when I have friends over: Please treat my home as your home. Make yourself comfortable. Allow me to express my love for you through hospitality!!!!!!
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) February 18, 2024
Me staying with friends: might I perhaps be permitted to drink a glass of water from your faucet if it is not too much bother
Had the audacity to deviate from my usual black clothing and wear a grey knitted tunic and just got asked how the Crusades went. pic.twitter.com/276VEDCo47
— Erm Dea (@Em_E_Dee) February 21, 2024
once again it is 4pm, too early for a beer, too late for a coffee, and so i find myself roaming the streets desperate to spend $8 on a mysterious third beverage
— erin chack (@ErinChack) February 19, 2024
if i was NPR’s competitor i would put on a concert with the biggest fucking desk you’ve ever seen
— cass city (@HeavenlyGrandpa) February 17, 2024
my face when you're explaining the rules of a card game pic.twitter.com/E1wnYUg5sR
— erika ✨ (@yeeeerika) February 19, 2024
Told my husband I was going to Target for a few things and he said “like what” and wow, rude
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 19, 2024
I heard someone refer to a person who likes multiple genres of music as "Polyjamorous" and that is how I'll be identifying from now on.
— ᴎiɿɘ (@erinh5995) February 22, 2024
soft launching my breakup by taking up ceramics again
— multitude container (@bartleby_era) February 21, 2024
This tree looks like it's sneaking out of the woods. 😁 pic.twitter.com/2uuzylpAHL
— Karen Knight (@KarenKn12866337) February 18, 2024
When people know you are a reader, they will ask you what your favorite books are, and when that happens to me, I can never think of the title of any book I've ever read in my entire life.
— Ruth Buchanan 📖 (@RuthMBuchanan) February 18, 2024
tired: rom-coms sold us lies about love
— Sophie Vershbow (@svershbow) February 21, 2024
wired: rom-coms sold us lies about building a career in journalism
i believe in traditional marriage. the husband should provide the material for the wife to write the personal essays about
— katie kadue (@kukukadoo) February 17, 2024
My mom once told me, “there are some wrinkles you can’t get out in the dryer. You need an iron.” Today I needed an iron. I wish I could tell her.
— The Madwoman in the Classroom (@heymrsbond) February 22, 2024
My mom is very much alive and we live in the same house. I just completely refuse to let her know she was right about an iron.
He looks like he's about to tell Colin Farrell their friendship is over https://t.co/66tr9taBAG
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) February 19, 2024
being an adult is a little out of my price range right now
— INNA (@innatalksinnyc) February 19, 2024
If we spell Jeff as Geoff then why not
— Kate again (@Kateness8) February 21, 2024
- Geosh
- Georemy
- Geonathan
- Geonnifer
- Geacob
- Jreg
congratulations on your new baby! thank you for posting their length and weight so I can accurately assess how big of a threat they are
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) February 22, 2024
The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work/life balance I'm all about pic.twitter.com/fljYQ5fFT1
— Invis🧜♀️ (@invis4yo) February 17, 2024
It takes 16 muscles to turn over and fall back asleep. Follow me for more fitness tips.
— Shae Aaron (@ShaeAaron) February 19, 2024
Due to personal reasons, I will be eating McDonald's in my car
— inspector ratchet (@_hood_mona_lisa) February 21, 2024
https://t.co/HH1laQeSqD pic.twitter.com/0NQAPxty0v
— Jenni (@hashjenni) February 18, 2024
NYT Connections loves trying to call me uneducated over and over again. Tinder grinder bumble and hinge? Nice try, i learned my lesson after sponge bob square pants
— abby govindan (@abbygov) February 20, 2024
I read an artist statement for a grant application from the 1950’s and it was just basically “I would like to go to Morocco. I will paint there. Please give me money so I can paint in Morocco.” And they gave him the money. Imagine
— Kaitlyn Airy (@KaitlynAiry) February 20, 2024
reducing a $1.2m house price by $300 is so funny pic.twitter.com/9UKl5n8cMX
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) February 18, 2024
Dog snoring: adorable
— Midge (@mxmclain) February 22, 2024
Husband snoring: unacceptable
You people that were wishing January away got your wish. Now look, it’s Christmas next week.
— martha (@mxmsworld) February 19, 2024
There needs to be more sober queer spaces. So that's why I dug this hole. pic.twitter.com/B6zic2zz2B
— Grace Freud (@GraceGFreud) February 21, 2024
Saturdays feel so good when you don’t got a birthday dinner to go to
— G (@genesissco_) February 17, 2024
Love Is Blind kind of has the vibe of a high school health class assignment where you carry around a fake baby for a week
— bitsy von muffling (@DoctorPissPants) February 21, 2024
Anyway here’s the text my grandpa sent when my great grandma died pic.twitter.com/ETnU9cnXUh
— grace (@gracefurby) February 18, 2024
When people ask me why I’m in a wheelchair by saying “What do you have?” I want to say something ridiculous like “I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) February 19, 2024
English majors assert dominance by accurately using semicolons. I don’t make the rules; however, I follow them.
— krista pacion (@kristabellerina) February 19, 2024
It’s not really Wednesday. It’s just three stupid little Mondays in a trench coat.
— The Sassiest Semite (@LittleMissLizz) February 21, 2024
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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