Spoilers for “Madame Web” (sort of, kind of) below. But, like, do you actually care?
Our Spidey senses are telling us to wait until this movie is free on streaming.
The Dakota Johnson-starring “Madame Web” — which, it should be noted, is part of Sony Pictures’ so-called Spider-Man Universe, and not the Marvel Cinematic Universe — arrived in U.S. theaters on Valentine’s Day, and it seems that people are truly in love … with how bad it is.
So much so that “The Haunting of Hill House” director Mike Flanagan felt compelled to publish a Letterboxd review of it that merely transcribes Nicole Kidman’s AMC Theatres ad with some very choice tags, including “exposition to cats,” “convenient explosives” “fireworks because” and “britney spears.”
Flanagan isn’t alone in his apparent distaste for the film. Critics gave the superhero flick a 13% score on Rotten Tomatoes, so it’s only natural that “Madame Web” is getting the “so bad it’s good” treatment on X, formerly Twitter.
Yet, before you can fully enjoy the posts below, you need to know a bit of information about the movie, which this reporter (who hasn’t seen the film, and probably never will) has gathered solely from memes, clips and discourse online. Here it is:
- Adam Scott (why, buddy?) plays Uncle Ben.
- Johnson stars as Cassandra Webb, aka Madame Web. She is Uncle Ben’s co-worker.
- Emma Roberts plays Mary, Peter Parker’s mom, who is pregnant in the film.
- Cassandra Webb is trying to protect three young women who like to talk over each other — played by Sydney Sweeney, Celeste O’Connor and Isabela Merced — from being killed.
- Britney Spears’ “Toxic” plays to remind viewers that the movie is set in the early 2000s.
- Cassandra Webb was born in a cave in Peru.
- Peru is where spider people are from, apparently.
- There seems to be a lot of Pepsi ad placement throughout the movie.
So, there ya go! Enjoy the posts below. They’re likely more entertaining than the movie, but maybe not as amusing as Johnson’s press tour to promote it.