Nicole Kidman Was Personally 'Struggling' Around The Time Of Her First Oscar Win

Nicole Kidman was feeling low when she won big at the 2003 Academy Awards.

The star shared bittersweet memories of her evening for author Dave Karger’s upcoming book “50 Oscar Nights,” which is set for release on January 23 and previewed by People in a story published Monday.

Having just finalized her divorce from Tom Cruise at the time, Kidman remembered she was “struggling with things in my personal life, yet my professional life was going so well.”

The emotions all came to a head when she won the Academy Award for Best Actress for playing Virginia Woolf in “The Hours.”

“Russell Crowe said don’t cry when you get up there and now I’m crying,” Kidman said in her acceptance speech. Making matters worse, she was played off stage by the orchestra before even finishing her thanks.

Afterwards, the “Big Little Lies” star said she barely had the heart to attend the famed Vanity Fair Oscar soiree.

“I’m not a big party girl, so I was going to skip the Vanity Fair party, and everyone was like, ‘You’ve got to go. You’ve got to walk through the party carrying your Academy Award,’” she recalled.

Though Kidman feared that would feel “like gloating,” she pushed herself to make a brief appearance.

The “Moulin Rouge!” star said she “went to bed alone” that night, but she would find love soon again.

In 2005, the star met singer Keith Urban. The duo married one year later and have two daughters.