Taking a family vacation might seem like a lovely idea in theory, but the reality tends to be an exhausting, chaotic mess. Just ask the funny parents of Twitter.
We’ve rounded up 45 hilarious tweets about traveling with kids ― from the airplane tantrums to the endless bathroom stops. Enjoy!
Traveling with kids is just yelling, "STOP THAT OR I'M TAKING YOU HOME!" in a different city.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 13, 2017
My kids are giving all the people on this plane a hard lesson in birth control right now.
— inappropriate mom (@nicfit75) May 8, 2012
So two hours, 13 juice boxes & four cries of, "I gotta pee noooow!", we're off to our third bathroom stop.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 23, 2017
Traveling with kids is fun.
10 Reasons Why Traveling with Kids is Great
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) April 3, 2017
1.
Travel tip: before boarding a plane with kids, show them the first episode of Lost and tell them it was caused by a toddler whining.
— The Dad (@thedad) February 1, 2014
Backpack contents for plane trip:
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 17, 2014
- enough food and drinks for my kids to eat for a month
- 1 water for my wife and I to share
Worst part of traveling with kids & stopping to let them pee is knowing all the assholes you've passed are once again in front of you.
— Carbosly (@Carbosly) March 7, 2015
Traveling alone with a kid is so fun! Traveling alone with a kid is so much! Traveling alone with a kid is so WHY DO WE HAVE SO MUCH STUFF WHY DO I HAVE TO CARRY EVERYTHING WHY DID SHE USE ALL HER VACATION MONEY TO BUY STUFFED ANIMALS.
— Casey Brown (they/them) (@lifewithRoozle) February 20, 2019
It's not a family vacation until someone threatens to throw a prized possession from a moving vehicle.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 12, 2016
Good thing we spent thousands of dollars traveling to another country so my kids could play their iPads in a hotel room instead of at home.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 5, 2017
The one big perk of going on vacation with my kids is that the bags under my eyes now have a tan.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 1, 2018
Flying with your kids is 90% iPads and 10% whisper-yelling at them so as not to reveal your screaming parenting style in public
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) July 17, 2016
Every thing you've ever seen a parent do in public that you've disagreed with I've done in this airport today.
— Sweatpants Cher 🔶 (@House_Feminist) April 28, 2015
Stop complaining about the mom traveling alone with a bunch of screaming kids under 5. I'm buying that damn woman a drink.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 29, 2014
“I love traveling with my kids!” ~ A liar.
— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) March 28, 2013
Hey it's fun to spend lots of money on family vacations and then have your kids tell you that the part they are most excited about is "finding out if the plane has a shitter."
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) December 1, 2017
Woman traded aisle seat for a middle seat so I could sit near my kids. Which shows people will do anything to get away from kids on a plane
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) January 23, 2017
My favorite part of taking kids on vacation is they tell you they hate it, you call them ungrateful, they start crying, then the plane lands and you arrive.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) December 20, 2018
Traveling with kids reminds me that children are often the loudest when they are trying to be quiet.
— Amanda Magee (@AmandaMagee) October 19, 2014
If you guys ever want to know what it felt like to wear the scarlet 'A', board a plane with 4 kids.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) June 27, 2012
3-year-old: *points to the old-timey globe in my office* We should go on vacation.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2018
Me: To where?
3: *points to the sea monster*
I like to get to the airport early so my kids can drive me crazy enough that I don't care whether the plane crashes.
— Sarah Thyre (@SarahThyre) August 19, 2011
80% of taking your kids on vacation is keeping them out of gift shops.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 22, 2018
"Vacation, all I ever wanted," I sing softly as I wash out my son's Underoos in the hotel room sink.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) August 10, 2015
Probably the best time to travel with young children is never.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) December 23, 2013
Asked the 7yo to pack her airline carryon. She included: an empty box, a harmonica, shark teeth, and broken glass. #travelingwithkids
— Kristina Killgrove (@DrKillgrove) December 23, 2016
Being on vacation with kids is a great reminder why you should never be on vacation with kids.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 22, 2018
booking our vacation online my finger quivers nervously over the little box that says how many children we're bringing
— The Dad (@thedad) January 2, 2019
Any vacation with kids is basically just a cross country tour of various gas station bathrooms.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 28, 2015
It doesn't matter how much we spend on a hotel room, traveling with my kids guarantees it will smell like poop for our entire stay.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 7, 2017
My kids don't always play with electronic toys on a car ride, but when they do, they press the same button FOR THE ENTIRE TRIP!
— Marl (@Marlebean) March 4, 2014
I’m flying with three kids under 11. I brought a book to read. I know. I know. I was so optimistic it’s laughable.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) December 11, 2017
The click of a mother's seatbelt on a road trip is obviously a signal to your children to drop crap they can't reach. #RoadTripWithKids
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) September 15, 2016
The thing that bothers me most about being near screaming, bratty kids on a plane is the painful knowledge that my own kids would be worse.
— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) September 20, 2017
Traveling with kids. For people who want to travel, but don't want to be happy.
— Minivan (@my_minivan_life) October 12, 2013
Being on a plane with my kids is a sure way of getting everyone to look like their passport photos
— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) October 29, 2012
Don’t touch that. DON’T TOUCH THAT! Not that either. DOH! Ugh. NO! Get your hands out your mouth *sigh* and your pants..
— Ann (@writerPT) April 13, 2013
*traveling w/ kids
Packing your entire family for a vacation is a great way to silently resent your family.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 20, 2018
Off 2 vacay for a couple days w/ the fam. Apologizing in advance 2 the nice folks sitting in front of my kids on the plane. I'm so so sorry.
— Audra McDonald (@AudraEqualityMc) August 20, 2012
*spends hundreds of dollars on a 4-day vacation*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 30, 2015
Me: What was your favorite part?
5-year-old: When we ate at McDonald's.
Booking plane tickets for a family trip is a fun little test to see if I still remember all my kids' birthdays and genders.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) February 19, 2015
90% of traveling with kids is finding bathrooms and snacks.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) December 1, 2017
"How was your vacation?"
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 2, 2017
"I didn't go on vacation. I was babysitting my kids while they were on vacation."
Having a kid: $
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 27, 2018
Having multiple kids: $$
Going on vacation with your kids: $$$
Spending the entire trip furiously screaming at your kids, ruining everyone’s experience: PRICELESS
Best vacation destinations according to my 4-year-old:
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 20, 2016
3) McDonald's play place
2) car wash
1) sidewalk where she saw a dog that one time
Before You Go
