Comedyresumefast comedyfast compnay video

Be Careful, This Is What People Really Think Of Your Résumé

"Word processing," a skill? Really?
Open Image Modal
By 

Writer, HuffPost

No matter how many times you write or rewrite your résumé, it's probably too long and includes at least a few no-nos.

So here's what you do. Tri-fold your résumé and into a self-addressed stamped envelope. Now, carefully place that envelope into the garbage and rethink your life.

Just kidding. But seriously, your résumé is probably not as good as it could be. And here's what people probably think of it, brought to you by Fast Comedy.

Before You Go

Ridiculous Resumes & Cover Letters
Nic Cage Resume(01 of21)
Open Image Modal
Even a diehard Nicolas Cage fan would be startled by that photo. (credit:<a href="http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2012/07/girl-accidentally-emails-prospective-employer-pic-of-nic-cage-is-awesome/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Uproxx" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.uproxx.com/webculture/2012/07/girl-accidentally-emails-prospective-employer-pic-of-nic-cage-is-awesome/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="20" data-vars-position-in-unit="21">Uproxx</a>)
Martin Scoresissers?(02 of21)
Open Image Modal
Don't forget his important role as "Street Gosser" in "911." (credit:<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/bwgan/bestt-resume-ever-lpl" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Buzzfeed" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.buzzfeed.com/bwgan/bestt-resume-ever-lpl" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="19" data-vars-position-in-unit="20">Buzzfeed</a>)
Hello? Yes, This Is Chimp(03 of21)
Open Image Modal
"Awwww Nooooo!" - Employer (credit:<a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/jiz89/kid_left_a_resume_with_me_for_my_boss_i_made_him/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/jiz89/kid_left_a_resume_with_me_for_my_boss_i_made_him/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="18" data-vars-position-in-unit="19">Reddit</a>)
Eric Knows What Is Up(04 of21)
Open Image Modal
What really sets him above the rest is that his "horse-like laugh" is optional. (credit:<a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/ke8td/resume_fail_or_win/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/ke8td/resume_fail_or_win/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="17" data-vars-position-in-unit="18">Reddit</a>)
What A Difference A Letter Makes(05 of21)
Open Image Modal
Spellcheck can't catch everything. (credit:<a href="http://sf.eater.com/archives/2010/01/19/how_not_to_apply_for_a_line_cook_job.php" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Eater" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://sf.eater.com/archives/2010/01/19/how_not_to_apply_for_a_line_cook_job.php" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="16" data-vars-position-in-unit="17">Eater</a>)
Roanald FTW(06 of21)
Open Image Modal
"Need my resume? Nope. Not when you got my FACTS!" (credit:<a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/burnred/hire-this-guy-now-281t" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Buzzfeed" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.buzzfeed.com/burnred/hire-this-guy-now-281t" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="15" data-vars-position-in-unit="16">Buzzfeed</a>)
Hire My Smile(07 of21)
Open Image Modal
The italicizing of to die for was a nice touch. (credit:<a href="http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/cv7.jpg?w=685" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Fail Blog" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://mthruf.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/cv7.jpg?w=685" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="14" data-vars-position-in-unit="15">Fail Blog</a>)
NSFW Cover Letter(08 of21)
Open Image Modal
Well, that's one way to make an impression. (credit:<a href="http://www.cornonthejob.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Worst-Cover-Letterpng.jpg" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Corn On The Jobs" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.cornonthejob.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Worst-Cover-Letterpng.jpg" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="13" data-vars-position-in-unit="14">Corn On The Jobs</a>)
Nefarious Dude(09 of21)
Open Image Modal
Sometimes you have to explain the holes in your career path. (credit:<a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10zmgg/my_cousin_is_taking_applications_at_his_business/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/10zmgg/my_cousin_is_taking_applications_at_his_business/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="12" data-vars-position-in-unit="13">Reddit</a>)
He Donated His Pulitzer Prize To Charity(10 of21)
Open Image Modal
To be fair, we are taught to embellish a little. (credit:<a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/d8pzt/impressive_resume_mike/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/d8pzt/impressive_resume_mike/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="11" data-vars-position-in-unit="12">Reddit</a>)
"Professional Genious" (11 of21)
Open Image Modal
Forget about the job, but we are interested in hearing a punk band called The Bob Sagets. (credit:<a href="http://imgur.com/N09Xe" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://imgur.com/N09Xe" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="10" data-vars-position-in-unit="11">Reddit</a>)
Proud Tim Hortian Employee(12 of21)
Open Image Modal
If he wasn't in high school we'd be more worried. (credit:<a href="http://i.imgur.com/WC3tp.jpg" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://i.imgur.com/WC3tp.jpg" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="9" data-vars-position-in-unit="10">Reddit</a>)
Charts!(13 of21)
Open Image Modal
This is for a restaurant job. (credit:<a href="http://i52.tinypic.com/4hfwba.jpg" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Tiny Pic" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://i52.tinypic.com/4hfwba.jpg" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="8" data-vars-position-in-unit="9">Tiny Pic</a>)
NSFW Mike "Da-Bomb" Email(14 of21)
Open Image Modal
"You want 'E-learning?' I'll make a new category called 'E-takin'youtoschoolSON." (credit:<a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/oukor/the_ideal_job_application_cover_letter/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/oukor/the_ideal_job_application_cover_letter/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="7" data-vars-position-in-unit="8">Reddit</a>)
Caps Lock Fan(15 of21)
Open Image Modal
Was this written by that Nigerian prince who keeps emailing me? (credit:<a href="http://imgur.com/SQsa8" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://imgur.com/SQsa8" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="6" data-vars-position-in-unit="7">Reddit</a>)
Childish Sense Of Wonder(16 of21)
Open Image Modal
This guy really knows how to sell himself. (credit:<a href="http://www.cheezburger.com/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Fail Blog" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.cheezburger.com/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="5" data-vars-position-in-unit="6">Fail Blog</a>)
Sounds Like A Really Great Guy(17 of21)
Open Image Modal
48 hours? (credit:<a href="http://www.happyplace.com/3731/completely-insane-resume-that-may-actually-be-better-than-yours/page/2" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Happy Place" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.happyplace.com/3731/completely-insane-resume-that-may-actually-be-better-than-yours/page/2" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="4" data-vars-position-in-unit="5">Happy Place</a>)
Redundant Much?(18 of21)
Open Image Modal
Looks like someone found a thesaurus. (credit:<a href="http://redstarresume.wordpress.com/2010/10/10/how-not-to-write-your-cover-letter/#respond" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Red Star Resumes" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://redstarresume.wordpress.com/2010/10/10/how-not-to-write-your-cover-letter/#respond" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="3" data-vars-position-in-unit="4">Red Star Resumes</a>)
The Employer's Turn(19 of21)
Open Image Modal
We imagine the head of HR was not amused. (credit:<a href="http://jobmob.co.il/blog/funny-job-search-work-pictures/" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Job Mob" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://jobmob.co.il/blog/funny-job-search-work-pictures/" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="2" data-vars-position-in-unit="3">Job Mob</a>)
Summer Job? K Thnx Bye(20 of21)
Open Image Modal
If eyebrow tweezing is one of your hobbies then you MIGHT have a problem. (credit:<a href="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/5712323" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="College Humor" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://www.collegehumor.com/picture/5712323" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="1" data-vars-position-in-unit="2">College Humor</a>)
Minimalist Cover Letter(21 of21)
Open Image Modal
It is what it is. (credit:<a href="http://i.imgur.com/5khOh.jpg" role="link" class=" js-entry-link cet-external-link" data-vars-item-name="Reddit" data-vars-item-type="text" data-vars-unit-name="56e99fb2e4b065e2e3d82fdc" data-vars-unit-type="buzz_body" data-vars-target-content-id="http://i.imgur.com/5khOh.jpg" data-vars-target-content-type="url" data-vars-type="web_external_link" data-vars-subunit-name="before_you_go_slideshow" data-vars-subunit-type="component" data-vars-position-in-subunit="0" data-vars-position-in-unit="1">Reddit</a>)
Suggest a correction
|
Submit a tip