The One Thing I Did That Helped Me To Be A Better Parent

This change to my phone settings improved my mood, productivity and outlook each day, which in turn made me a better parent.

We’ve all been in a place where we felt it time to unplug. You can’t get through a project without interruptions from your devices, your kids are repeating requests over and over while you scroll, or your partner looks up at you and rolls your eyes as you type away mid conversation. I hate to admit it but my “all in” attitude lends itself to all things, including social media platforms and my blog.

Particularly as I am now a stay at home parent, it’s critical that I tune out from my phone from time to time. I don’t have obligatory emails or phone calls like I did when I was working but I have an example to set in my children’s lives and I want to be present for them, devoting myself to their experiences and learning.

I have found with my renewed verve for writing, new opportunities and new ventures that have presented themselves recently while I stay at home, I fail to be as present as I want to be. My focus is compromised on ideas, new articles I want to write, recipes I want to share.

Just like with chocolate and reality TV, moderation and balance are key. To stay present, happy and whole, you don’t want too much of anything.

Make no mistakes, these interruptions to my job as mom are vital to the balance a stay-at-home parent needs. While I certainly see the detriment of always being on our phones like we weren’t when I was growing up, moms ― particularly stay-at-home moms ― need this outlet. I went from being a full time worker, traveling and connecting buyers to brands, brands to buyers, constantly meeting new people, talking, sharing, discussing new ideas to being in my home all day with these two ( three counting my husband when he was home) individuals. Wonderful they are indeed but there are only so many trending topics you can discuss with your 2 year old and I knew rambling to my husband when he walked in the door wasn’t quite cutting it.

I started to write again and create recipes, I got on social media. The outlet it provides, I feel, is a great escape for stay at home moms BUT with caution. Just like with chocolate and reality TV, moderation and balance are key. To stay present, happy and whole, you don’t want too much of anything.

I believe default settings for most phones and apps you use are to allow notifications. When you receive any new form of contact, you will hear, see or feel that you have received it.

After a certain point, the dings and bongs and beeps indicating I had a new text, new email, new like or comment had me watching my phone. I would put it away but be lured mid-story reading to my child to peek at my phone. I’m ashamed to admit it but I found that I was constantly checking. Even though I was there with my kids, always, I didn’t want any distractions and yet I didn’t want to completely put my phone away. For obvious emergency reasons, for a photo opportunity of my kids and since I love my husband’s frequent phone check-ins, I always left my phone at least in the room.

Literally I was saving my phone battery but metaphorically I was recharging my own motivational battery.

It wasn’t until I casually mentioned my phone battery being especially low throughout the day to my husband that I came to an answer. He suggested my battery was getting drained by my emails constantly updating as they came in. He showed me how to change the settings so that the new emails only load when I go in to my inbox. Granted, the volume of emails I receive are NOTHING compared to when I worked full time, I do have now four separate emails I check (it’s a long story) and seeing the red dot indicating a new email had me checking often, thinking about that thing I needed to do as team mom for the sports teams or that package I should have received.

I changed my settings so that emails only loaded when I went in to my inbox. I immediately noticed an improvement to my battery but also to my time. I found that when I made the decision to go in to my inbox, it meant I wasn’t doing something with my kids, I wasn’t writing something heartfelt, I was choosing to receive the email versus the email finding me.

I decided to employ the same idea to ALL of my social media and apps. I silenced the notifications for Instagram, Stumbleupon, Pinterest. I deleted my apps for Facebook and Twitter and only go on, check, participate when I deliberately go on to the Facebook and Twitter sites from Safari. I found I was more present in all my actions. I was restored in my efforts. I felt more confident with what I was doing. Literally I was saving my phone battery but metaphorically I was recharging my own motivational battery.

I was more productive. As a result, I was more upbeat. I suggest everyone try this out. In removing notifications, you are taking control of how you manage your time and attention.

Let me make one thing clear, this does not mean I use my phone, email or platforms any less than I did. I am still very active on social media and, especially on some nights when I can’t sleep, my kids are napping, or they are happily playing with each other without me, I may be constantly checking my feed, commenting, or writing my next article ( as I am now) in an email to myself while I sit on the floor next to them. But it’s because I choose to, and at the right time.