WomenElla DawsonherpesSTIs

Why This Woman Celebrates Her Herpes Diagnosis Every Year

"Telling someone that you have an STI should not be brave."
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By 

Culture & Parenting Reporter, HuffPost

Ella Dawson has herpes, and she's not ashamed to tell you -- and the rest of the world -- all about it.

In a TEDx Talk she gave in Connecticut in April, Dawson told the audience that she was diagnosed with herpes during her junior year of college. After first experiencing confusion from her "earth-shattering diagnosis," she has spent the last three years talking more openly about it and working to break down the stigma associated with having an STI.

"Suddenly this shitty, inexplicable thing that had happened to me had some purpose, and I could do something about it," she said. "I could have power over the way people saw me by being loud."

Dawson, who credited this stigma to the "abysmal state of sex education" in the United States, as well as the negative way STIs are portrayed in pop culture, summed up the motivation behind her campaign against STI-shaming in two simple sentences:

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TEDx Talks

While Dawson enjoys having her stigma-reducing work recognized, the last thing she wants is to be called "brave."

"In the world that I want and in the world that I'm hoping all of you will help me build, telling someone that you have an STI should not be brave or shocking," she said. "It should be normal and kind of boring."

On May 9, Dawson celebrated the three-year anniversary of her herpes diagnosis, and yes, "celebrated" is the right word.

"I celebrate the fact that I'm still here," she said. "I’m still here after three years of the universe telling me every day that I’m a disgusting slut who got what was coming to her. I have a voice, and it has never been stronger."

H/T Mic

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Before You Go

19 Healthy Reasons To Help Others
Helping Others Helps Your Heart(01 of19)
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Pulling the plug on the stress cycle is good for your heart. "Having high levels of cortisol in an extended way is bad for the cardiovascular system," says Post. "It's a good predictor of heart problems." People who score high on hostility scales are more likely to have heart disease. It's not so great for the brain, either: "Cortisol is associated with hippocampal atrophy, which is in turn associated with dementia," says Post. "Getting away from yourself, reaching out and contributing to the lives of others, especially in hard times when people are anxious about economic conditions, is a very healthy thing."
Giving Helps You Overcome Stress (02 of19)
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To help someone you don't know, you have to overcome the natural impulse to avoid risk. Every time you help a stranger, you are reaching out a little, and that can make you feel vulnerable. The theory is that to overcome those fears, your body releases a hormone called oxytocin, which helps you buffer stress while increasing social trust and tranquility. This "compassion hormone," it turns out, is very good for your body. "You are limiting exposure to stress hormones like cortisol," says Brown. "That may be one reason why helping behavior is related to longevity."
Thoughts of Giving Fills the Brain With Feel-Good Chemicals(03 of19)
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When you imagine helping someone, a part of the brain (the "mesolimbic system") lights up, says Stephen G. Post, Ph.D., professor of preventive medicine at Stony Brook University in New York and author of "The Hidden Gifts of Helping." "It's an evolutionarily ancient, emotional part of the brain," he says. "When people just think about giving, the body doles out feel-good chemicals such as dopamine, which has a soothing effect, and possibly serotonin, one of the brain chemicals we treat depression with. They feel joy and delight--helper's high." It doesn't happen to everyone, or every time, but it's very common. In one study, more than half the people who worked in a soup kitchen for a couple of hours felt a mood elevation. Says Post, "Some people feel more tranquil, peaceful, serene; others, warmer and more trusting."
Helpers Live Longer(04 of19)
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"We consistently find that volunteering and helping behavior is associated with a reduced risk of mortality," says Brown. "We see this over and over again in prospective studies that control for other variables, such as baseline health and gender." For example, a study in Detroit looked at 423 married couples over age 65. They were asked if they helped anyone other than each other in the previous year with transportation, errands, shopping, housework, childcare or other tasks. Those who did were about half as likely to die over the next five years than those who didn't. "Now," says Brown, "we need to find out why and how."She and fellow researchers have already uncovered a few clues.More from iVillage: Sleep Deprived No More! Cleveland Clinic Experts Answer Your Top 10 Qs7 Foods That Lower CholesterolBest Ways to Treat Depression Without Drugs
Oxytocin: The "Compassion Hormone"(05 of19)
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"The caring connection system is related to the hormone oxytocin, often called the compassion hormone," says Post. You might have heard of this hormone -- it's released during childbirth, and also during orgasm. It helps moms bond with their babies, lovers with each other. "When people are in a caring modality, circuits in the brain are active that can't be active during hate or hostility. It pushes aside those negative emotions."
More Great Things About Oxytocin(06 of19)
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"Oxytocin is causally related to helping behavior," says Brown. Besides helping you feel warm and fuzzy, the compassion hormone is also good for you. "Oxytocin helps cells repair themselves, store nutrients and grow," she says. Oxytocin primes us to overcome the motivation to avoid stressful stimulus so that we can help others, according to the latest hypothesis. Says Brown, "When we help others, we think that there is a release of oxytocin, and that interferes with the stress response." To break the cycle of chronic stress, she says, a simple act of caring may suffice.
Parenting And The Helper's High(07 of19)
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Giving, taking care of others, helping someone whose well-being you really care about -- sounds like being a good mom or dad, doesn't it? Indeed, the helper's high may originate with the caregiving impulse that parenting evokes. "In animal models, the brain changes during pregnancy in ways that prime the hypothalamus to overcome stress avoidance and to give care," says Brown. "So does exposure to a newborn. Being a parent is stimulating that aspect." While we may think of this as maternal -- a "mom" thing -- it's found equally in male and female research animals, and may work the same way in humans, says Brown.
The Mother Teresa Effect(08 of19)
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It's a classic study: In 1988, some Harvard students were asked to watch a video of Mother Teresa doing her amazing good deeds; other students watched a video of people peeling potatoes. Really. Then researchers tested the students' saliva for a biomarker for immune function, immunoglobulin A. Those who watched Mother Teresa had higher levels. Next, the researchers asked one group to just think about helping others and, wonder of wonders, their immunoglobulin A levels were higher than the control group's, too. (credit:Getty: RAVEENDRAN)
Helping Others Could Stem Mild Depression(09 of19)
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Among people whose spouses have died, those who help others recover from depressive symptoms more quickly, according to one study; other studies find similar benefits. It's not that taking care of others always puts people in a good mood, explains Brown. It's more complicated than that. Taking care of a chronically-ill child, for example, is terribly taxing on a day-to-day basis, but it can still strengthen the emotional health of the parent. Says Post, "Volunteering helps those who are mildly or moderately depressed." It may not be as therapeutic for those with severe depression. In one study of alcoholics going through the Alcoholics Anonymous program, those who helped others were nearly twice as likely to stay dry a year later, and their levels of depression were lower, too.
The Healthiest Kind of Helping(10 of19)
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Not all volunteering makes you healthier. Reluctant, bad-faith efforts might even be bad for you. "If you are helping out of a sense of obligation, it may not be beneficial to your health," says Brown. Maybe your boss made you do it. Or your parents. Maybe you don't even like the charity, and you certainly resent the time sink. Result: Instead of your stress floating away, it soars. "Just stuffing envelopes for a cause you don't believe in, with no human contact, especially if you feel exploited, will evoke a very different aspect of physiology from compassionate helping," says Brown.
Give It Time(11 of19)
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Just because you're not sure at first how you feel about volunteering doesn't mean you won't get benefits over time. Helping others might wind up changing you for good. This delayed benefit is especially common for teenagers, notes Post: "When adolescents are forced to volunteer, many of them are disgruntled at the outset, but once they start doing it, a light goes on." Says Brown, "If a helping situation puts you in close contact with people who you wind up caring about helping, that may have long-term benefits for your physical health. My advice is expose yourself to a genuine need for help, and your body will take over."
Financial Help Counts, Too(12 of19)
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Give money to Japan? Like to support a charity? Don't discount your financial efforts in pursuit of something you care about. "Writing a check has benefits, too," says Brown. In several studies, subjects who, for example, use money to benefit others feel happier than those who use it for themselves. "Even an online contribution may create well-being," says Brown.
Make It Personal(13 of19)
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While it's true that just thinking about doing good evokes good-for-you chemicals, getting personally involved in a cause you care about is particularly powerful. "Studies on volunteering, from older adults to younger kids, find that for people to stick with it, they need to be doing something that excites them, that they feel called to do," says Post. "Use your gifts. Volunteering is successful when the individual is doing something that he or she feels confident to do."
Be A "Wounded Healer"(14 of19)
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Have you struggled with a chronic condition, an emotional affliction or an addiction? Consider helping other people with similar problems. Experts call this the "wounded healer" principle: The best person to help someone with a problem is someone who's been there, done that. In one study, people with multiple sclerosis (MS) were trained to provide compassionate support over the phone for 15 minutes a month to fellow MS sufferers. Result: The helpers felt more self-confident, had better self-esteem and experienced less depression. Similarly, in another study, people with chronic pain who counseled those with similar conditions experienced a drop in their own symptoms of pain -- and depression.
Two: The Magic Number(15 of19)
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Two hours a week, about 100 hours a year -- that's the average number of hours that volunteers in the United States tend to contribute, according to national surveys. It's also the number that is associated with health benefits. "It's a threshold," says Post, "a curve. After about two hours a week, the emotional benefits tend to flatten out." It's fine to volunteer more, but you may not get additional benefits, he says.
Busy Moms Are Already Volunteers(16 of19)
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If you are already more than busy enough taking care of young kids, don't feel obligated to carve out special "volunteer" time, advises Brown. A better goal: Model empathy, attentive listening and compassion for your child. "Raising a caring child takes a long time," says Post. Children who are described as caring, who want to do good for humanity, tend to be shielded as adults from heart disease and depression, he adds. If you can find time to volunteer, of course, that's one way your child may learn the benefits of helping others.
The Paul Newman Effect(17 of19)
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Get kids started early helping others, advises Post. He lived in Shaker Heights, Ohio, for 20 years and heard a lot about Paul Newman, who grew up there. "From the age of 4 or 5, Paul was doing charitable things," says Post. "He was well-known for selling lemonade to support various causes. He was always that kind of guy. Later in life, he picked up where he left off." (credit:Getty: JEAN-PIERRE MULLER)
Remember To Help Yourself, Too(18 of19)
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Your health won't be served if you push yourself past your capacity volunteering or helping others. In an article on BeliefNet, Dr. Post gives the following seven recommendations to professionals who are routinely involved in helping others: 1. Be empathic, but the patient's suffering is not your suffering (let it go).2. Realize that you cannot fix everything.3. Entrust your friends and colleagues.4. Step back from your initial emotional reactions.5. Have some sort of "spiritual" practice.6. Keep in mind the meaning and privilege of being a healer.7. Have a balanced life.
Can You Care Too Much?(19 of19)
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Burnout is real, but here's what might mitigate it: love. "We weren't able to find evidence that taking care of a spouse in a loving relationship taxes the system," says Brown, who has studied well-being among caregivers. "We looked at caregiving for people with Alzheimer's by loved ones -- one of the most challenging kinds of help there is." Indeed, most studies of caregiver burnout look at Alzheimer's caregiving. No matter how much the effort, "we found the relationship between the caregiver and the recipient produced positive emotions, particularly when love was felt by the recipient for the caregiver."More from iVillage: Sleep Deprived No More! Cleveland Clinic Experts Answer Your Top 10 Qs7 Foods That Lower CholesterolBest Ways to Treat Depression Without Drugs (credit:Flickr: stevendamron)
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