Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My alarm went off this morning, I turned to my left, and there was a child staring directly into my face who said, “WANNA PLAY?!”
— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) April 14, 2021
The bath is too wet
— Lottie-pop 🍭 (@Lottie_Poppie) April 14, 2021
- reason 101 my toddler is tantruming
"Are you fucking kidding me?!"
— Austin J. Clements (@ClementsAustinJ) April 11, 2021
--my 2yo, clear as a bell, in the middle of PetSmart, upon seeing a snake in real life for the first time
Caught my toddler questioning the baby. He wanted my newborn baby to admit that he can talk. Told the baby I KNOW YOU CAN TALK. It was a full on interrogation. Lmao I’m not letting him watch Boss Baby no more. He tweakin
— Pzifer Puss (@gorgeousmia91) April 13, 2021
4 came walking out of the bedroom without permission after bedtime and when I looked at him he said, “What!? I’m just getting a carrot.”
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) April 11, 2021
I’ll give him credit, it is the most unique excuse I’ve heard.
My daughter only wants girls at her playground birthday party. My sister explained that we can have more cupcakes if we also invite boys and my daughter said each girl at her party will need two or more cupcakes. #womenhelpingwomen
— Beth Newell (@bethnew) April 14, 2021
My son's extreme enthusiasm for this bath bomb suggests a profound misunderstanding of what's about to happen.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 15, 2021
I wouldn’t normally apply for an experimental private space settlement mission to Mars with no hope of return, but this morning my son pointed to a corner of his ceiling and whispered “Little girl.”
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) April 11, 2021
I was complaining that we have too much stuff in our house and need to get rid of some of it and my 4yo looked me dead in the eye and said “you should probably burn it in the oven like all our food mummy” and then carried on playing with her Barbie
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 14, 2021
Ice cream employee: I didn't know you had kids! You always come in by yourself.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) April 10, 2021
Kids: WHAT?! MOM!
It's like she didn't want a tip.
Here’s the upside to having kids that are older:
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 14, 2021
I just sent out a group text letting them all know they’re on their own for dinner.
Bulls on Parade is my favorite song about bringing my kids into a store full of breakable things
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 14, 2021
Looks like it’s time to tell my son that I get a weekly report of what he googles.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 12, 2021
Not to brag, but for show and tell my 6YO told her entire class that her daddy is a snoring volcano
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 15, 2021
I told my son he needed to clean his room and he said “maybe later, I have a headache.” I told him that was no excuse and heard my husband snort laugh from three rooms away.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) April 12, 2021
I’ve been a parent for 13 years and I should know better than to serve a preschooler lunch on a green plate when he specifically requested a green plate.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 15, 2021
My husband is mad at my broken toe for not healing faster because he has to take over homeschooling and it’s “absolutely draining”. He’s been at it for 32 minutes.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) April 12, 2021
Them: I don’t understand why people always feel like they have to be perfect on social media. I want to see REAL parenthood.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) April 13, 2021
Me: Kids are pains in the ass sometimes and sometimes you won’t like them and sometimes you wish you could just get away
Them: No not like that
you can’t scare me. you’re not a potty-training toddler who sleeps on the top bunk
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 11, 2021
a special phenomenon i would like scientists to research is why my children suddenly cannot hear me at bedtime
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 12, 2021
“When I’m 59 I’m going to be bigger than you!”
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 13, 2021
- my 4 year old, angry at me because he has to go to bed
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