Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
If you google "procrastination", it brings up images of all of my kids doing their homework on the way to school.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 16, 2017
I live in fear of the day my kid asks "where's all my other drawings?"
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) March 14, 2017
Nobody is hungrier than a child who's just been told it's time for bed.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 15, 2017
Me: [hanging off side of cliff begging for help]
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 11, 2017
My kids: MOMMA CAN YOU GET US A SNACK
I love that cute married thing we do when we bicker over who gets to shovel the snow, because the other person has to watch the kids.
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 14, 2017
Sittin' here sippin' on a juice pouch at work.
— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) March 13, 2017
My, how things have changed.
I lost my patience. I think it's under the couch cushions next to my kids' socks, chip crumbs, and my temper I lost earlier.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) March 14, 2017
What's inside the family suitcase?
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 14, 2017
•60% kids' clothes
•20% kids' toys
•10% kids' miscellaneous
•9.9% mom's stuff
•.1% dad's stuff
Without kids I would have never known the joy of cleaning a spilled bottle of glue out of a backpack at 6 AM.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 15, 2017
"I'm hungry! Is it lunch time?"
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 13, 2017
-my kid, at 9:17am
Spring Break is just 10 days in a row of disappointing my children with the boredom that is real life.
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) March 15, 2017
"It's just that the snow is reflecting the moonlight."
— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) March 15, 2017
-Me trying to convince my kids it's totally bedtime even though it's only 5:45
March Madness: When I don't know whether to dress my kids in a winter coat or shorts and I'm always wrong.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 16, 2017
My kids were late to school. I signed 'em in with the reason: DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME STINKS! (Just the facts)
— Stephanie Rodham (@StephDsays) March 13, 2017
It smells weird in here.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 17, 2017
-How parents enter a room.
Not sure what happened here, but that toy looks a little freaked out if you ask me. pic.twitter.com/az5MxfzFWH
— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) March 17, 2017
Gee I wonder why we're always sick I say as one kid has her bare feet in her mouth and the other one is licking the floor.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) March 14, 2017
"I TOOK A CRAP!"
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) March 16, 2017
- my 8yo to me in line at Panera
90% of parenting is doing just enough to keep other parents from judging you.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) March 13, 2017
Empty Nesters, my 2yo forced me to watch him poop in the toilet this morning. Eyes locked. Grunting.
— Cari (@cariastark) March 13, 2017
You're welcome.
Just got my ass handed to me by my kid's 2nd grade math homework.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 16, 2017
6-year-old: I hate how you pack my lunch
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 15, 2017
Me: Maybe you should pack your own lunch
6: *packs 28 Oreos*
Me: Maybe I should pack your lunch
Listening to a 4yo play with their little sibling is what I imagine a future dictator sounds like at that age.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) March 15, 2017
Being a SAHM allows me to do the fun things. For example, today I spent the day playing hide and seek.... with socks and car keys.
— SurvivingMyBoys (@SurvivingMyBoys) March 15, 2017