The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our day with their brilliant and succinct wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious musings.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women, and then visit our “Funniest Tweets From Women” page for past roundups.
Just witnessed a home depot walk of shame (guy taking his purchase back in because it wouldn't fit in his car)
— meghan (@deloisivete) June 29, 2023
Global pandemic, a Russian Revolution, and Titanic deaths? The 1910s are BACK.
— Rohita Kadambi (@RohitaKadambi) June 24, 2023
three people came into the gelato shop and after the first two ordered, the last guy didn’t get anything and for some reason i thought it’d be funny to say, “designated driver, huh?” anyway that joke did not land and now i’m so embarrassed i might need to quit my job
— midnight to noon (@grace_roso) June 24, 2023
I’m not gullible enough to be lured into a cult but I am nosy enough
— Sara K. Runnels (@omgskr) June 27, 2023
Honestly insane that you can be a kid but then grow up and live alone and have no one to be like “I threw up” to
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 25, 2023
had 2 glasses of wine about to text him “can I ask you something” and then turn my phone off til tomorrow
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) June 26, 2023
WICKED WITCH: I’ll get you my pretty, and your little dog too!!!
— haleyjane rose (@haleyisfamous) June 24, 2023
ME IF I WERE DOROTHY: wait so you think I’m pretty 👀
people seeing barbie first are wild. the schedule needs to be
— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) June 26, 2023
black coffee and a cigarette
oppenheimer around 11 (its 3 hours)
mimosas and brunch
barbie around 6/7
dinner, drinks, club https://t.co/oRxWJmE2xm
ok so oppenheimer tweets are NOT about the twins on selling sunset ?????
— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) June 29, 2023
only children are so funny. you’re telling me you just hung around the house with two grownups all the time? like a little businessman?
— trash jones (@jzux) June 27, 2023
diet coke may cause cancer? you mean the mysteriously sweet yet calorie-free, tar-black beverage with flavors not based in nature isn't...organic
— erin chack (@ErinChack) June 29, 2023
can’t stop thinking about these guys whose friend forgot his ID so they got a table by the window and were just chatting with him outside pic.twitter.com/RK51tF3017
— chelsea (@littleidiotgirI) June 25, 2023
ngl when i say something grammatically incorrect i still use “english isn’t my first language” as an excuse even though i learned english when i was 5…
— sarah lugor! (@sarahlugor) June 28, 2023
a woman after accurately assessing the situation: do i sound crazy
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) June 29, 2023
I’m at the vet with my dog. We’re waiting in a small exam room, and he thinks we’re working together to devise an escape plan. He keeps nudging me to the door and slapping me with his paw. I can tell he thinks I’m an idiot for not figuring this out already.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) June 29, 2023
is anyone else having memory problems lately?? like for example I keep forgetting to be wildly successful and meet the love of my life
— danielle weisberg (@danielleweisber) June 28, 2023
Orcas to one another: https://t.co/v2LEAlDG4A pic.twitter.com/Oeyn4gQuDh
— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) June 27, 2023
there’s one web designer who would never deny you service and her name was charlotte
— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) June 30, 2023
when I hear a HINT of a Canadian accent while watching tv pic.twitter.com/Df5wkkNPVZ
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) June 26, 2023
Sick injury bro. Would be a shame if I added insult to it
— sandhya (@chaiconsumer) June 28, 2023
Americans: I use miles and pounds
— Janel Comeau (@VeryBadLlama) June 29, 2023
Europeans: I use kilometres and kilograms
Canadians: [snorting a line of assorted measuring systems] I'm 5'3, I weigh 150lbs, horses weigh 1000kgs, my house is an hour away and I drive 80 km/h to get there, I need a cup of flour and 1L of milk
FREE HIM pic.twitter.com/hrQ63nHwCD
— Sydney Leathers (@sydneyelainexo) June 26, 2023
Incredible work by gmail here on the suggested replies to a professional email. pic.twitter.com/zQAiVBnzjR
— Dr Charlotte Lydia Riley (@lottelydia) June 29, 2023
we all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics)
— erika mack (@yeeeerika) June 27, 2023
The Life of Buca di Beppoio Beppo, Founder of Bucca Di Beppo https://t.co/TWMTqA7eQG
— Nori Reed (@realnorireed) June 25, 2023
i haven't listened to a podcast in years but it's time pic.twitter.com/3ixq8ZjbpZ
— old man winter (@luxlazuli) June 29, 2023
i LOVEEEE the homeboys that post everything like yessss where y’all at now??? Matter fact go live boo 😂😭😭😭😭😭😭
— Arie Carson (@ariecarsonnn) June 25, 2023
RIP Emily Dickinson, you would have really loved Mountain Dew Summer Freeze 💙 pic.twitter.com/RbmP5jJer4
— Emma Baccellieri (@emmabaccellieri) June 28, 2023
i just saw my neighbors (a couple) outside smoking, so i went up to introduced myself. without saying a word, the guy immediately went inside and closed the door. then the woman very warmly said “hi! i’m erica. that’s my husband. he’s miserable.”
— girlboss CTE vibes (@mean_worm) June 23, 2023
okay I DID my laundry but what’s next? putting it away? fuck everything
— emz! (@blahblahemily) June 27, 2023
5 years ago i tried to look sooooo chill on a rollercoaster and ended up looking embalmed pic.twitter.com/O2np5njBLl
— sarah hagi (@KindaHagi) June 26, 2023
happy pride to 18 year old me, who wrote a “time capsule” letter to her 28 year old self that said “I hope you’re a famous actress w a super hot husband, but if it weirdly turns out that you’re gay, that’s okay too. Like I don’t THINK you’re gay, but just saying….”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) June 25, 2023
I need my next partner to be absolutely looney tunes for me. Like, heart exploding from chest, tongue rolling out into a carpet, bonking themselves on the head with a hammer when they see me until little birds circle them, etc etc
— limp brittzkit (@Brittymigs) June 28, 2023
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Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
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